Monday, September 20, 2004

We choose our truths

I act in a particular way headed towards certain known and unknown goals. I react in a certain way based on my conscious control at the moment, my past, my future goals and things that I value along with a thousand other influences, like weather, hormones, neurochemicals, other people who matter and don't. I forgive myself for the moments when the reactions are from more subconscious events and influences and I forgive myself for those things I do which do not measure up to my ideals. I forgive myself for self-decided failures along the way.

I am human and I am a thinking, feeling being. I am exactly as I am this moment. I will be exactly as I am in the next moment. Those two moments and who I am may not be exactly the same. I learn, I change, I adapt, I flex and grow.

I have chosen certain values, certain goals, certain things that matter to me. I could change those. I could decide they no longer fit who I have become or who I want to become.

Who I am changes in slight ways with every thought, every mental stretch, every examination of philosophies and most importantly, it changes with influences from others and events in any moment. I am not saying that I am a completely different person based on the influences of events and others, but rather that I am affected by my interactions. All interactions with the world influence my thought, my actions, even many if not most of my goals. I have core beliefs that are open to renegotiation.

I believe what I think I believe; I see what I think I see; I hear what I think I hear. I am what I think and that is a choice. Life, purpose, meaning, interpretation, results- are all up to me.

It is an awesome responsibility- all that choice, creating my own truths and choosing my own direction or standing in indecision seemingly choosing none- but it isn't cause to beat myself up if I don't get it "just right" in any moment.

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