Thursday, March 31, 2005


"There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle." ~ Albert Einstein

Nothing is only or always one way or another, but if you must choose one or the other as a way to live, seeing everything as a miracle would seem to provide the more joyful view.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

oh yeah..

"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple." ~ Dr. Seuss.

The primary class I am taking this quarter is Sociological Factors in Counseling. Though there was the typical screwup with the bookstore and the textbooks (and about $200-$300 worth of texts needed that aren't available on campus), the class could prove interesting. It is difficult to teach much about counseling people from diverse cultures without resorting to stereotypes, but there are some broad brush things that can be learned. I have had the instructor before (nice fellow) in a class in counseling ethics and law, but cultural groups and counseling is an area that he has published research. Folks are always more interesting when they are keenly interested in the classes they teach.

In addition to a research paper, this is another of those classes where a journal is required to be turned in for credit - in this case, introspection about attitudes, prejudices, thoughts, feelings and values concerning my own and other cultures (cultures- loosely defined to include all the groups to which one might belong) and issues brought up in class.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

test, fractals and...

Blogger seems to be having some problems publishing from the webapp during the daylight hours; it makes template tweaking a little difficult. I am publishing this post from outside so it will republish the index.

My classes start today; I shouldn't be playing around with this...

I am not sure if this is the header I will leave up; I created several playing around with my fractal programs then adding, resizing etc with other programs. I know very little about the nuts and bolts of fractals, but sometimes like the results. A second example of one of mine is on the test blog.

So many visitors; quite a few repeats; zero comments.. shall I beg??? Come on, humor the old gal, please...


"Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn't stop to enjoy it." ~William Feather

"To me, there are three things we all should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think. You should spend some time in thought. And number three is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that's a full day. That's a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you're going to have something special." ~Jim Valvano

Monday, March 28, 2005

International Blog Comment Week

I read about it from Liz at "I Speak of Dreams" (and grabbed a couple of her graphics) who heard about it from Spanglemonkey who links some more nice graphics from Did I Shave My Legs For This? (so I grabbed one of those too!).

I couldn't make up my mind which to use so I copied and uploaded a couple of them.

graphic from Liz at "I Speak of Dreams" Posted by Hello

graphic from Did I Shave My Legs For This? Posted by Hello

so simple, yet so difficult at times...

"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." Wayne Dyer

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Unconscious Mutterings Week 112

I say ... and you think ... ?
  1. I’m waiting:: and not waiting too; definitely unzenlike ;-) waiting for things distant or more immediate is one of those things that if I am, then I am also doing something else too.
  2. Speak:: softly and with gentleness, up and out when it matters, or not, according to the situation
  3. Roger...:: the pilot and tower conversation bit from Airplane comes to mind
  4. Knock knock:: who's there? (anybody know any of those jokes? I could use a few G-rated ones for a youngster I see)
  5. Hybrid:: want a hybrid car that looks, well, not like the Prius; Honda's Accord looks ok, though pricey
  6. Can’t believe my eyes:: some days; maybe it would be better if that happened a lot of days to force actual seeing
  7. Hooked:: on a few 9 & 10 pm television dramas
  8. Pontificate::sigh... can... shouldn't; .. listen to some folks who do that frequently ; don't know why I didn't realize there was a noun definition
  9. Slime::green junk that the kids all think is so much fun on various shows over the years on Nickelodeon
  10. Unwelcome:: dust and the never ending amount of cleaning that is involved in keeping a home
Want to play? Go to Unconscious Mutterings.

Saturday, March 26, 2005

"Love wholeheartedly, be surprised, give thanks and praise--then you will discover the fullness of your life." ~Brother David Steindl-Rast

"We cannot bank love; it grows as we give it away. The more we give it away, the greater our capacity for love." ~Joan Halifax Roshi; 
Lovingkindness, the first Abode

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Firefox update (1.01 to 1.02) and ...

I received a message last night about a critical update for Firefox being ready to download (had 1.01; new one is 1.02), so I clicked on the arrow at the top, and it downloaded and started to install...

Because of all the problems last time, I stopped the installation, but wasn't quick enough because I couldn't open Firefox 1.01 after that (getting an error message about a previous installation unfinished). I had wanted to check out the Firefox forums before I did anything- having learned my lesson last time. (I did do that eventually, but had to use IE).

At any rate, coping the profile folder to make sure it didn't get lost, then uninstalling the 1.01 version to be absolutely safe, then installing the new version -worked fine.

Some folks were able to "update" this time by installing the new version over the old.. some folks weren't.. some folks like me didn't want to experiment.

edited for Firefox: Several other things were necessary to do a clean install- like tracking down the registry entries and things that wind up in other places with XP. A simple "uninstall" won't do the trick but it isn't that difficult to find and take care of the rest. I didn't delete my profile from the other mozilla products on this machine, so it is possible that my install wasn't as "clean" as it needed to be. If anyone has any problems go to the Firefox support forums and read the help in the sticky's. Since this was first posted, I have had a few odd glitches with heavy use.

On another note, my integrated calendar, tasks, reminders, appointments, contacts, journal, email program which is ever so useful and mostly logical to me with all my numerous personal tweaks and rules -but a Microsoft program, you know the one- crashed and wouldn't seem to recover yesterday. I couldn't open it even in safe mode. I had to find new programs to replace the others and I was able to import some of the data without opening the program. I don't actually like having to open several programs to do what the other one did. ... sigh.. am working on learning a new way to do things though, and YES, what a dummy I am for not backing up every single piece of the old data. I know better...


added 05/05/05: If you are looking for more current information on Firefox, you will find a summary and link of every post I have made to date about the various versions of Firefox, any installation problems and my solutions; and within some of those posts are links to specific Firefox support forum threads. Firefox post list

"Simple Abundance"

Become abundant with your complements to others. We're all so fragile, especially when we put on a brave face. A sincere complement can penetrate beneath even the most sophisticated masks to sooth troubled souls.
~Sarah Ban Breathnach from: Hold That Thought
Simple Abundance online

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

more from Edge 2005 Question

"I believe that we humans, who know so much about cosmology and immunology, lack a framework for thinking about why and how humans cooperate. I believe that part of the reason for this is an old story we tell ourselves about the world: Businesses and nations succeed by competing well. Biology is a war, where only the fit survive. Politics is about winning. Markets grow solely from self-interest. Rooted in the zeitgeist of Adam Smith's and Charles Darwin's eras, the scientific, social, economic, political stories of the 19th and 20th centuries overwhelmingly emphasized the role of competition as a driver of evolution, progress, commerce, society.

I believe that the outlines of a new narrative are becoming visible—a story in which cooperative arrangements, interdependencies, and collective action play a more prominent role and the essential (but not all-powerful) story of competition and survival of the fittest shrinks just a bit.   ... ..."
HOWARD RHEINGOLD  Communications Expert; Author, Smart Mobs

little tweaks

test large, bold, italic, small, normal

I figured out some of my errors, learned a teeny bit more about css, and xhtml (not that this is compliant, mind you) and tweaked a few things here and there... more to come; just not tonight.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Murphy's here...

Murphy Laws These are good for several smiles; wandering around the rest of the website is informative and amusing too.

All that stuff about a full Tuesday and going to different meetings on opposite sides of the county today; well it was do-able (even in the rain), except I erroneously assumed that the dentist would see me this morning for an emergency. In fact one of the last things the dentist said to me on Friday was that I could come in any time this week if I was having problems.

While it is true, I can go there and sit in the full office to wait, according to the receptionist, they can't actually see me until they have caught up their schedule. Checking back at 10 and again at 11 (and again a couple of minutes ago), they are just further behind. I can get in to see them tomorrow of course, with an actual appointment, but then I will be into regularly scheduled weekly client visits...

sigh... Maybe I can increase the dosage of ibuprophen and add a heavy dose of anti-acid in hopes of protecting my stomach. This isn't turning out to be a very nice spring break.

I know, I know.. reframe, change the way that I am looking at this.. There must be some positive angle..
For instance, if I wait all day to see the dentist, I can't possibly go anywhere else in the rain this afternoon, thereby avoiding the usual Los Angeles rain nightmare... Somehow, that doesn't sound exactly positive either.


Edge Question 2005

More things I didn't have time for at the beginning of the year and will take quite a bit of time to peruse the answers now:
The Edge question this year was "What do you believe is true even though you cannot prove it?"

I just clicked around a few answers and for this moment decided to focus on one;
Stephen Kosslyn's answer about cognitive prosthetic systems is interesting.

Quickly taking his thoughts to one tangent of my own, faulty "social prosthetic systems" might explain a lot of things.

more later perhaps.. on to the dentist and the day for this gal..

No Free Tuesday

Darn.. I really thought (which is why I started changing the template and playing around with some other things) I had a couple of days that were minus committments - like a real spring break! But it is not to be. I don't know how I wound up with Tuesday meetings scheduled sixty plus miles apart that will see me driving in the beginning of rush hour to make the second one.... in the rain most likely.

I will be going to the dentist in the morning for all this pain which seems to be creeping into places it should never have gone; it may not be possible to get to everywhere else I need to be.

I am not sure which is worse, dental pain or driving in the rain in Los Angeles. ;-)

Has anyone on this coast noticed how gasoline is creeping up and up in price. It may be $3/gal by summer.

KABC: Gasoline Prices Up Nearly Five Cents
Fuel Prices Strain Firms
(Business Wire) Auto Club: Gasoline Follows Oil Prices Higher

The news seems bleaker than usual...

The world looks pretty bleak today from a news standpoint.

Another kid shot up his school first killing his grandfather and his grandfather's girlfriend, this time on a Minnesota Indian Reservation. The dead numbered ten, including the boy who apparently shot himself afterwards. I am wondering how much of a news follow-up blackout of this will occur because it was on a reservation along with all the questions of why, including why don't we see these kids are in a crises before things like this happen?

The whole Terri Schiavo thing is very troubling from all sorts of standpoints. I don't believe the federal government should interfere in this for all sorts of reasons including overstepping its jurisdiction. The state courts have already decided several times. But I did listen to a seemingly unbiased report on CNN from Dr. Gupta, who also seems competent (but that doesn't make him a reliable source) which said the doctors who examined her cannot all agree if she is or is not in a persistive vegetative state.

There is also this curious mention in the news reports that I missed until pointed out by a friend of mine- the House passed the special bill with sufficient members, but only three members were present in the Senate and it was passed by voice vote; three Senators- no others were present.

Monday, March 21, 2005

not finished with changes

Yup, I changed it; nope, I'm not finished... but I'm giving up for now to find ibuprophen (for my mouth which seems to have increased in pain since Friday; possibly the antibiotic isn't working), soup (because that's all I can eat thanks to the dental work and the pain) and something else to do for a while so I can come back to this fresh and figure out all my errors.

Any suggestions anyone might have are welcomed. I looked via IE and the sidebar may be too small, but in Firefox it is too large; no scratch that, it is too large in each and now appears the same size.. so I am stumped.. other than wondering if Firefox is actually fetching a fresh page on reload (it isn't, but if I remember to double click reload it mostly will)... I must not have changed one of the items that controls the sidebar font...

later.... sigh.. my head is swimming..
Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.
Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Interesting possibilities...

Via Ming the Mechanic, who credits BoingBoing for the link to an article from New Scientist that I missed:
3D printer to churn out copies of itself

Grasshopper Thinking?

ahhhhh.... Maybe most of the time I might be engaged in "Grasshopper Thinking" and sometimes in "Lateral Thinking" (darn; I wish I could say it was much more dominant) and much of the rest of the time perhaps in "Natural Thinking" (and very possibly some "picture thinking"; not de Bono's concept by the way) plus an ability to shift easily into a little logical and pattern thinking; except for certain academic pursuits often graded and/or reviewed by professors who often only value "Logical" and/or "Pattern" thinking, for which I spend time shaping and bending my thoughts and their written expression to comply.

In the rest of my life perhaps my attention is often directed towards those engaged in ""Pattern Thinking" and a variation of "Logical Thinking" within a pattern, often in attempts to figure out IF I should gently nudge them towards finding their own different patterns, rules and routes (cognitive-behavioral is one of my psychological philosophical leanings)... but then even if they chose a different one, it would still be classified as "pattern or logical" thinking, wouldn't it?

I find categorizing thinking by these particular "patterns" to be amusing....

Thanks WR! Whiskey River

Edward de Bono

An Essay on Edward de Bono by by Steven Nordby (storm note: not necessarily flattering)


Kinds of Thinking, Styles of Reasoning: Michael A. Peters, University of Glasgow

Unconscious Mutterings Week 111

I say ... and you think ... ?
  1. Stink::unpleasant
  2. Renewal:: rest and relaxation; reinvigorate, reinfuse, restore; spring should be here (the vernal equinox IS today in the northern hemisphere)
  3. I remember...:: wonderful things (and in darker moments a few very not so wonderful things)
  4. Loneliness:: felt sometimes, mostly in the dark of the night; different from alone, which I usually enjoy
  5. Ooooh:: ahhhhhh..
  6. For real:: yeah, sure (breaking the rule that two positives make a positive); what is real?
  7. Titanium:: very strong lightweight metal
  8. Get down:: a thought or idea or agreement ' writing' is the first thing that comes to mind; then slang for doing something with abandon
  9. Rupture:: difficult and sometimes impossible to mend
  10. Dramatic:: intense
Want to Play? Go to Unconscious Mutterings/

Saturday, March 19, 2005

pain responses

I find it curious that certain kinds of physical pain affect the cognitive process and attention span much more than others.

For me for instance, pain in either head or mouth makes me function in a much more limited fashion, whereas pain in any of the joints, or that affect walking or movement or fine motor control, even when large amounts of pain medication don't fully relieve them, are much easier to ignore (annoying and possibly frustrating, but "less" painful even when doctors suggest that I might be in lots of pain). Perhaps my particular response has something to do with the R.A. diagnosed when I was still a child (previously in remission until recently), or learning to live with various bits of osteoarthritis including a disk degeneration in my upper spine, and/or perhaps it is just much harder for me to ignore pain when it is closer to the brain? (hmmm... more tangents of thought: harder to ignore because the nerves transmitting the pain are closer to the brain or maybe more likely because it is different than pain I am in the habit of ignoring??).

Though I know that pain responses are subjective, I haven't done much study of this beyond the basic physiological processes and some overviews required in my 3 medical aspects classes; it is an area of interest. I note that there are cognitive and physiological studies being done in all sorts of disciplines from neuroscience to philosophy and of course, psychology. I also notice that several of these mention depression as a factor in the quantity of pain reported by various patients.

wow... I did some futher scanning of various articles without going to the University Library database for actual research and the links are numerous and far flung; trying various disciplines + physical pain, these are a tiny sampling of the things I started reading:
March 04: Psychological Aspects of Disability
Jan 1998: Psychological Aspects of Disability
Dr. Grolhol's Blog of Psychology: Depression Can Lead to Back Pain
All About Pain: Psychological Management of Pain
The Biology of Pain
Effects of Music on Pain Perception

There are a limited few reading this who might wonder if there are other reasons I am looking at this today. Yes, I am in some pain (maybe "some pain" is an understatement) from the dental stuff on Friday. 1000 mgs of ibuprophen every 6 hours was enough to eliminate it yesterday (I don't "do" codeine); but today 1000 mgs every 4 hours is not actually eliminating it entirely.. sigh.. and with the pain increase, my "head isn't working right". So I got scattered on several tangents from wondering if the location of pain had anything to do with decreasing cognitive functioning in some sort of correlation, to perception of pain in general and everything in between and beyond.. definitely places for future study, but more than I can wrap my head around in any orderly fashion today.

Friday, March 18, 2005

more dentist

Massive quantities of antibiotic have been ingested so I can go to the dentist this morning for more extensive work. This time two areas of my mouth will be numbed and the weekend will be spent on a semi soft, mostly liquid diet. I am fairly anxious, and among the concerns are the last reaction to Novacaine which managed to numb the muscles and parts of one of my eyes for several days... anxious is actually a rather mild sort word for what I am really feeling... and no amount of reframing, attempt to change of perception, etc. seems to eliminate or change the feelings for long. Nonetheless, I am going.

This is one of those occasions I can envision the theorized three parts of self quite readily (Id, Ego, Superego or any of the other theorists names for those similar aspects).

It also always occurs to me that there is something weird about paying lots of money (lots and lots in this particular case) to put myself in a position to feel this level of anxiety.


"You hesitate to stab me with a word, and know not - silence is the sharper sword." ~Samuel Johnson

""The mice think they are right, but my cat eats them anyways." "This is the point, reality is nothing, perception is everything."" ~Terry Goodkind

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Quarter completed


If I had been wearing a hat earlier, I would have tossed it up in the air and performed a couple of dance in place steps. It was a combined 'end zone dance' / 'Mary Tyler Moore show opening' sort of feeling.

I finished the last final exam for the quarter and also managed to squeeze in two trips to the associate dean's office to get various paperwork processed for (a.) grad status for financial aid, (b.) notice of my program officially checked and filed (there will be some changes I have to make, but that is future paperwork) and (c.) a request for "advance to candidacy" (which basically changes my grad status from G1 to G2, which allows me to register in the future either for a comprehensive exam or a thesis to finish my degree). That was later followed by a trek to the financial aid office to turn in the notice (signed by the AD) that says I really am a grad student, more paper to request some emergency funding (3-4 weeks from now) from the Feds and a trek to the cashier with requisite wait in line to pay some fees (and to get an explaination of what the balance owing in my record is all about). Whew...

When it was all done and I was about to leave campus, besides my shoulders feeling lighter, I noticed the skyline was really pretty (just before sunset) and dug out my camera only to find that it had a dead battery. Oh well.. maybe next time.

I think I am now entitled to some vegging out time tonight- no family requests allowed, no heavy thinking, no textbook reading, no paperwork (there are work things to do but they can wait until tomorrow morning), no thinking about deadlines, classes, money, next quarter or what happened today in the world.... though I might give some further thought to what exact camera I am going to purchase this weekend with money I have been hoarding since the end of December... purely selfish, indulgent thoughts allowed.


Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Questions (quotes)

"The test of a good teacher is not how many questions he can ask his pupils that they will answer readily, but how many questions he inspires them to ask him which he finds it hard to answer" ~Alice Wellington Rollins

"A man ninety years old was asked to what he attributed his longevity. I reckon, he said, with a twinkle in his eye, it because most nights I went to bed and slept when I should have sat up and worried." ~Garson Kanin

One exam down, two to go... 'Medical Aspects of Disability', one of the easier areas for me, is Tuesday evening's exam.

Monday, March 14, 2005

This should stir things up a bit...

Reuters: Court Says No to California Gay Marriage Ban

Expanded post at Corner of Babble

Sun, Wind and Scrambled Brains with a Side of Fist in Stomach

It's a beautiful sunshiny day with strong gusty winds, a beautiful blue sky (all the fog of the past many days is gone)and I feel happy, except for that growing little gnawing ball of tension in the pit of my stomach. I would go out and dance in the wind, except I think it would make that bit of tension increase- you know, that increasingly frantic, nagging thing that happens when you are doing one thing (or many) and know you really should be doing something else much more important.

This is the first day of final exams, and my brain is scattered instead of focused. The only thing to do is work with the scattered and see if I can find mental tags on which to hang certain pieces of information that will connect with those other logically arranged parts (that I know are up there somewhere) about specific topics, theorists and application of theories of counseling and psychotherapy- so I can figure out where they are (and specific what's) when the actual questions are in front of me.

Because I couldn't think of a clever title for this little journal entry, I Googled "monday titles" and ran across this little game that sounds like it could be amusing for a moment or two. Of course, I don't have time to play today, as it would require me to think about movies and titles, something I have a great deal of trouble with (titles that is; names, titles, actors, singers, songwriters, etc. all make me turn to my husband, the currently appointed keeper of trivia for this aging brain), but it would be entertaining to see the combinations others might choose.

Oh and the title above was derived from the post along with thinking about Fried Green Tomatoes... but not finding a suitably clever movie title to add at the end. In linear for me fashion my mind thought: fried, scrambled, sides to serve with... EXAM IN FIVE HOURS!

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Logical and closer to androgenous?

I have to admit, these things that try to quantify gender always throw me a little, but being an outlier isn't such a bad thing. Later I will try to look up the one that analyzed blog entries for gender and edit this post with a link.

Your Brain is 46.67% Female, 53.33% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female
You are both sensitive and savvy
Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed
But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

You Are Incredibly Logical

(You got 100% of the questions right)

Move over Spock - you're the new master of logic
You think rationally, clearly, and quickly.
A seasoned problem solver, your mind is like a computer!

HA! must be having a good day for logic.. LOL....
Back to studying for final exams and doing laundry....

Unconscious Mutterings Week 110

I say ... and you think ... ?
  1. Shape up:: get a grip on it (being hard on myself; would never think or say that about or to others)
  2. New Orleans:: Mardi Gras
  3. In the bedroom:: solitary sanctuary
  4. All the time:: nothing is "all the time"
  5. Philosophy:: existential
  6. Tyler:: Liv, most popular elf princess and her father, Steven with some of his movie credits
  7. Disturbed:: shaken
  8. French kiss:: ahhhh... I remember those somewhere in what seems like a distant past
  9. Solidify:: make fixed, solid; absolutely nothing seems solid permanently; I find myself frustrated by the fact that everything, simply everything is thus. There are no anchors, no safe havens, no safety nets. I find myself accepting and screaming about it within- at the same time.
  10. Furtive:: secretive, cautious; most of the time I think I want none of my life lived like that
Want to play? Go to Unconscious Mutterings

Friday, March 11, 2005

Atlanta shooting

Written 3/11/05; posted 3/13/05:
What a horrible set of events in Atlanta. I guess I assumed there were security zone layers in a courthouse as there are in a prison, with NO one allowed to be carrying a firearm within the inner zones. I wonder why that isn't the case and if there will be some thought given to implementing something like that in every courthouse in the country? Or would that only be possible in Federal courthouses because it would be a states rights issue elsewhere?

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Exhaling, finally

All papers for all classes are finally completed. What a relief. The last of two regular class meetings were held tonight and there are only two more lectures and three exams remaining to complete the quarter (plus some odds and ends of internship paperwork to complete and turn in on Monday of next week).

The countdown is officially beginning for the end of this phase and the beginning of a much lighter spring and summer.

I can actually begin to feel some "real" free time ahead- to use however I want, without guilt. Yippie!!!!!!

Monday, March 07, 2005

Truth, Reality, Perception

"What you perceive, your observations, feelings, interpretations, are all your truth. Your truth is important. Yet it is not The Truth." ~Linda Ellinor

"Reality is what we take to be true. What we take to be true is what we believe. What we believe is based upon our perceptions. What we perceive depends upon what we look for. What we look for depends upon what we think. What we think depends upon what we perceive. What we perceive determines what we believe. What we believe determines what we take to be true. what we take to be true is our reality." ~Gary Zukav

In the middle of taking a break from the last paper that needed to be polished, I checked my email box for subscriptions, clicked some links and wound up finding those quotes.

Knowing on a conscious level that our perception of reality is based on our beliefs and thought processes, including what "we look for" as a part of a giant circular pattern, it seems as if it could be easier to reframe negatives into positives when we choose, to "make lemonaide, out of lemons" so to speak, but the frame of reference we use to perceive the world is based on so many inputs, so many other people's effect and affect on the process, that it often takes a great deal of effort to think from different vantage points. It is so easy to get stuck on a one way version of how things were, are and could be. (On a tangent, it seems to also be easy to get stuck in seeing more possibilities and interpretations than the mind can deal with at one time...)

When I was a child, I used to lay upside down on an overstuffed chair of my mother's, hang my head over the seat cushion, and marvel at how everything and everyone looked from that perspective, how fresh and new. I thought it might be nice to be able to live and walk on the ceiling because it was less cluttered and everything looked so different from upside down...

Thinking that we might 'walk on the uncluttered ceiling' for a while if we choose, still seems attractive.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

The old words lie on the ground

Each breeze brings a change;
Whispers within
beg to say something,
Say nothing.
Which is right?
The tree branches bend
and sway
still reaching for sunlight.
Always in the knowledge
that the old words lie on the ground
brown and crumbling,
the new leaves of spring rustle
and grow still-
Waiting for the wind
to touch again.

Unconscious Mutterings Week 109

I say ... and you think ... ?
  1. Usher:: guide, lead, direct, usher in a new plan, age, era
  2. Cherish:: word used by me very rarely in my entire life, and only when felt very deeply
  3. Mistreat:: mostly forget any specific instances directed at me, but feel very strongly about seeing and knowing about instances where it has been directed at others- injustice, mistreatment triggers a desire to do something
  4. Forum:: discussion of many
  5. Systematic:: pragmatic approach- very useful in certain types of activities, too linear in others
  6. Warning::
    "Warning" by Jenny Joseph
    When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
    With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
    And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
    And satin sandles, and say we've no money for butter.
    I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
    And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
    And run my stick along the public railings
    And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
    I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
    And pick flowers in other people's gardens
    And learn to spit.
    But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
    So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
    When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.
  7. Wash:: comes out even, and sometimes clean; also "Tujunga Wash"
  8. I wish:: for your wishes to come true;
    and for me- I wish a life balanced, with purpose that allows me to find a reason to happily wake for most every new day and time for family, friends, solitary creative pursuits and play, a close, tender, caring relationship, and reciprocity of acceptance. Sometimes I think wishes are dangerous when we think of them as things we can't have but can only wish for-- and mourn instead of reaching for those things that mean the most to us.
  9. Candles:: don't use them very often these days; I like the scented kind - short fat ones, tiny votive ones, tall beeswax tapers with real fragrance essences... and the way things look in the soft glow
  10. Metallic:: hard and cold
Want to play? Go to Unconscious Mutterings

Saturday, March 05, 2005


We have had more sun than rain over the past few days- still moments of drizzle but nothing that felt like endless grey and gloom. Was that a fact in a scientific quantifiable sort of way? Or was that my perception?

Though I will feel even better when the three papers I need to finish are completed and turned in (better yet, after I attend the last classes of the quarter next week and take final exams the following week), I began to notice a huge oppressive weight being lifted when I made a definite decision to only take two classes each for the next two quarters. I could have been finished or almost finished with a single masters degree in counseling by next autumn, but lowering the stress levels makes more sense. There is no value to me (or the clients I hope to work with) in finishing quickly if I am all used up and burned out.

Friday's will be free days. I am not going to schedule anything for anyone else unless it is a real emergency. I might actually have time to do tiny bit of easy local hiking, take a few trips to the beach, see my sister, maybe even take a day or two trip north up the coast to find a favorite shoreline filled with ocean and sand polished jade and moonstone. The more I think about it all, the better I feel. This will be my reward for working so hard the last four and a half years.

Life without joy doesn't seem worth living. Joy seems to be in large part a matter of seeing and choosing the "half full glass". When I am feeling completely stressed, I don't have the time to look up, let alone choose "half full" as my frame of reference.

By the way, I finally received my diploma in the mail- the degree was "posted" in September at the end of the summer session, but the official document suitable for framing also notes -"cum laude".

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Joseph Campbell

A few quotes found while working on something else:

“A bit of advice given to a young Native American at the time of his initiation: "As you go the way of life, you will see a great chasm. Jump. It’s not as wide as you think."”

"The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure."

"One way or another, we all have to find what best fosters the flowering of our humanity in this contemporary life, and dedicate ourselves to that."

"When we quit thinking primarily about ourselves and our own self-preservation, we undergo a truly heroic transformation of consciousness."

"When you follow your bliss . . . doors will open where you would not have thought there would be doors; and where there wouldn't be a door for anyone else."

"Life is like arriving late for a movie, having to figure out what was going on without bothering everybody with a lot of questions, and then being unexpectedly called away before you find out how it ends."

~ Joseph Campbell

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Firefox- critical update problems

If you are in the habit of checking the "tools", check for updates" section in Firefox, DON'T install Firefox 1.01 over Firefox 1.0. UNINSTALL 1.0 first, saving your profile (go check mozilla forums to see exactly how).

I didn't. The browser is now inoperable and it also won't uninstall either version.

Links later when I figure out exactly how to fix this- as I have to dash out of here right now.
Revised, added, updated 3/3/05: I finally have Firefox 1.01 working, with my bookmarks and most of the various tweaks that make it most useful to me- intact. The problems were created by me, by not reading well or fully or paying attention as I should have. But I was not the only one. "Update" and "Critical Update" mean something different to most average folks.

The process to fix this may well be individual (if you installed on top of 1.0 as I did), as several things that I tried did not work automatically. For instance using XP's "restore" going back to before I installed the "update", did not fix the problems (I don't understand why either, but that is another story) , and uninstalling was not a one click operation. Not everything uninstalls and it requires a good search of your system to remove all the various places that have little crumbs left, before reinstalling (save the profile information!!). Oh, and don't forget to check your firewall after you uninstall and reinstall; you may need to re-allow Firefox access to the internet.

They may have an update now that really will install over the 1.0 version, but just in case, my warning about reading first, still stands. And if you are/were inattentive and slower about technical things as I am and was- check out the Mozilla Firefox Support Forum before you do anything.


added 05/05/05: If you are looking for more current information on Firefox, you will find a summary and link of every post I have made to date about the various versions of Firefox, any installation problems and my solutions; and within some of those posts are links to specific Firefox support forum threads. Firefox post list

"Rule Number 6"

Two prime ministers are sitting in a room discussing affairs of state. Suddenly a man bursts in, apoplectic with fury, shouting and stamping and banging his fist on the desk. The resident prime minister admonishes him: "Peter," he says, "kindly remember Rule Number 6," whereupon Peter is instantly restored to complete calm, apologizes, and withdraws. The politicians return to their conversation, only to be interupted yet again twenty minutes later by an hysterical woman gesticulating wildly, her hair flying. Again the intruder is greeted with the words: "Marie, please remember Rule Number 6." Complete calm descends once more, and she too withdraws with a bow and an apology. When the scene is repeated for a third time, the visiting prime minister addresses his colleague: "My dear friend, I've seen many things in my life, but never anything as remarkable as this. Would you be willing to share with me the secret of Rule Number 6?" "Very simple," replies the resident prime minister. "Rule Number 6 is 'Don't take yourself so damn seriously.'" "Ah," says his visitor, "that is a fine rule." After a moment of pondering, he inquires, "And what, may I ask, are the other rules?"
     "There aren't any."
quoted from "The Art of Possibility: Transforming Professional and Personal Life" by Rosamund and Benjamin Zander, in the book "The Power of Intention: Learning to Co-Create Your World Your Way" by Dr. Wayne Dyer

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Snipping away at the edges

This is a step in the direction I believe we should be going as a country. Over the course of my life, I have come to believe that the death penalty is a barbaric practice. I will admit that I didn't start adulthood with that opinion, but I was uneasy about it even then.

In a 5-4 ruling that cited the "overwhelming weight of international opinion," the high court declared unconstitutional the death penalty for those under the age of 18 when they committed their crimes. ...
The "weight of international opinion" doesn't strike me as something to which the court usually gives any deference.

Supreme Court Abolishes Juvenile Death Penalty

"Just because you fall off a cliff doesn't mean you don't have some hard choices to make."

"The coyote looks down. There’s nothing beneath him but the warm tones of the desert far below the top of the mesa he neglected to keep underfoot. He realizes he’s going to fall. He holds up a sign to us, or he unfolds a well-used parasol. Maybe he waves good-bye. At all events, he falls.

My eight-year-old son and I have watched this Looney Toones gag over and over on DVD together and we laugh every time. I always thought we were laughing at the foolish coyote because he carelessly steps (or rockets or bicycles) over the mesa’s edge. But it turns out Warren has been laughing because the foolish coyote foolishly looks down. Now I understand my son better.

Read the rest at "Slow Reads- Blog and Monthly Digest: Ruminations:
'Unless and Until'"

I can't remember who turned me on to this site or if I wandered there by myself.. but if it was someone's blog I read that gave a heads up in that direction, thanks!