Friday, July 21, 2006

Searching for truths and strawberries

..."Investigative efforts, even supposed objective scientific ones, cannot yield truths that transcend the assumptive mind-sets of the investigators. Thus, searching for needles of transcendent, extracommunal, objective truth in theoretical haystacks is an epistemically indefensible act." ... ~James T. Hansen. Counseling Theories Within a Postmodernist Epistemology: New Roles for Theories in Counseling Practice. Journal of Counseling and Development. Summer 2006. V. 84

I have been trying to read this journal article for a few days. I keep letting my mind wander and pretty soon, I am moving about unpacking some box or another. Bits and pieces of things the author says, fit perfectly with the framework of my personal group of counseling theories and my "theory of counseling" which is to use the tools that work/fit for the client in front me- not necessarily the theories which are the most comfortable, but the ones that I feel are closest to the client's frame of reference. ... (that is, when I get to counsel.. mostly I am instructor, teacher, modeler of behavior, motivator, promptor and chief listener.)

But the boxes nag at me.

I found my strawberry print curtains to hang in my kitchen. They are white and sheer with a red trim at the top and strawberries with leaves and flowers scattered about around the edges in a neat pattern. So I washed and hung curtains, in the kitchen, in the bedrooms, and thought about when I bought those strawberry ones-- back in 1979 or so. I have ceramic kitchen canisters to match along with a giant strawberry cookie jar. I hadn't thought about any of them for years as they were packed away in the old home.

A bit of exciting news to tell. I was one of those selected for the second interview (one on one this time) with the agency that funds and oversees the various assistance for people with developmental disabilities. This is a job that I can do, would enjoy and will adequately pay the bills and then some. It isn't the dream job of counseling on a college campus (and the pay is about 12 thousand less), but it is at the high end of the scale for working with the folks/population I've come to enjoy. And case management for many clients is in some respects, much easier for me than weekly visits to the same clients. I still get to see each one, but take a step back and look at the bigger picture and help set the short and long term goals.

All my joy and fun stuff comes with a counterpart. My sister got an infection immediately (within a few hours) after they put in a port, so she is in the hospital getting the massive doses of antibiotics and the next dose of chemotherapy is postponed. It is scary and frustrating for me because I can't do a thing but send as many positive thoughts, healing light and energy in her direction as I can... prayer in my own way. Please add yours.

I don't know where truth and reality lie, only that they are subjective for us all. The doctors see a patient, a human organism with a problem (or probably more accurately for some, they see a problem with a patient attached); the legal departments are probably wondering if they are seeing a future lawsuit. I see my sister, my only sibling, the one connected to my heart, having a rough time, but being a tough cookie about it so far. Same infection, same patient, same everything from different perspectives.

But I found my strawberries and I will finish that journal article by and by... Life marches onward. I don't know what it means, or where any truths might be- yours or mine. But the sun will come 'round again in a few hours. That might be truth enough for the moment.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Home is...

"A house is made of walls and beams; a home is built with love and dreams." (~unknown)

"Home is not where you live, but where they understand you"
~Christian Morganstern
(do they understand??? I'm thinking yes sometimes, no, often; then again, perhaps they understand all too well!!)

"Home is the place where it feels right to walk around without shoes" (~unknown) (especially when you can't find them)

Escrow closed last week on Monday afternoon. The new condo is really ours!! We finished moving in on Sunday (going a few hundred feet with eighteen years of junk by two over the hill folks with some sporadic young'uns helping, took 4 1/2 days). We're very happy and also very stressed still, but it is getting slightly better day by day. The bruises and muscle strains are starting to heal; Aching old bones (husband's and self) are also recovering. We're starting to sleep a little better.

When we got the keys (a couple days after closing), the electricity had been turned off and it would take two days to get utilities transferred and turned on and the deliveries of appliances and so on (which was good considering they had been scheduled and postponed four times!!).... except for cable, which isn't on even now. I'm posting this by dial-up. I only just hooked up the computer tonight.

I can't find any specific thing in any particular moment, and the last boxes packed have the sort of mish-mash, hurried, thrown together mix that I swore I wouldn't do. There are boxes in the house sitting in all corners, walls, at the feet of beds, at the edge of closets, and filling the garage.

Did I say I can't find anything?? Of course, I can find anything when I don't need it urgently. I find things when I am looking for something else, and then can't remember where I saw them when I want them.

I've a few pictures pre-moving, but I can't find the thing to unload the camera, so that will have to wait. I think I need to do some laundry if I could just find the laundry baskets. We're still eating on paper plates and having microwaved meals, but with the real silver utensils. It's a comedy, even when it's exasperating.

"Home is where you hang your head" ~Groucho Marx


Oh ... I almost forgot. I had a job interview in the middle of the move! Nothing like a little stress on stress to change one's sleep patterns.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Unconscious Mutterings Week 179

I say ... and you think ... ?
  1. Face it :: "it" has been many things over a lifetime of self examination, and will likely be many more

  2. Healthy :: living

  3. Cartoon :: character

  4. Device :: driver

  5. Raider :: s, Oakland

  6. Closer :: as in "The Closer" with Kyra Sedgewick,
    or closer to closing escrow --as in Monday, July 9, cross your fingers!!

  7. Admission :: entrance

  8. Culture :: segments

  9. Stakes :: high

  10. Heartbroken :: have felt
Weekly word list at Unconscious Mutterings

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

and in between....

"Evermore in the world is this marvelous balance of beauty and disgust, magnificence and rats" ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

"We come. We go. And in between we try to understand."~Rod Steiger

What a roller coaster couple of months. I know I posted in June, but only barely.

To catch up...
Escrow is almost closed on our new home- it should fund today, and maybe we can even get keys tomorrow... but maybe Friday... or Saturday... or Sunday. That part is frustrating, as the date keeps moving outward (not by our choice). I've not boxed up everything in the house, but much of it is in boxes. There is so much stuff left, I am kinda ready to just throw things in boxes until each one is full, make a half hearted attempt to label and worry about it later. But I will keep slogging along and hopefully the date will firm up today.

Here is a pic of the front of our new location:

I will be in much better shape when the move is finished. Life has thrown a lot of curves in between the high-highs of purchasing our home.

My dear old cat died... and I was with him at the end. It was very sad, but not unexpected.

I managed to break a bone or two in my foot, which has added a wrinkle or two into the whole moving and packing ordeal...

And my "baby" sister was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. It hasn't spread to any other organs or her bones which is good, but it is very large. She has started chemo, then will have surgery and probably more chemo and/or possibly radiation. I told her she is not allowed to leave before I do.

Please, please, please, keep her in your thoughts and prayers. Send what positive energy you can in her direction.

As soon as this move is over and I have half a home set back up (in a few days or a week or so?), I will return to posting regularly. Honest. Yes, I will.

I miss everyone. I miss reading everyone and feeling a tiny part of community. I'll be back.