I needed a few diversions and wandering around found some Steven Wright jokes and one liners. I have yet to fail to be amused by at least a few lines of his anytime I have seen him perform. I have also never yet failed to groan at more than quite a few of them.
"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before."
"I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering."
"If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses."
"Four years ago... No, it was yesterday."
Today I... No, that wasn't me.
Sometimes I... No, I don't."
"I have a decaffeinated coffee table. You'd never know it to look at it."
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
"I didn't know it then, but looking back, in hindsight, I realize that when I was younger I could see into the future. Now I'm getting all my premonitions as flashbacks!"
"Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second."
"I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies." So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said "compact cars"..."
"Is it weird in here, or is it just me?"
Steven Wright Jokes (MIT- AI lab)
Steven Wright Jokes (Michael Toy)
Steven Wright (UM edu)
note to self: posted with w.bloggar
further note: time out wasn't a time out, all attempts were posted.