Monday, January 12, 2004

Another Monday.

My interview with Tierra Del Sol Foundation went well I think. I felt very positive afterwards, though I am sure they will do more for me than I will be able to do for them. I have some paperwork to turn in tomorrow and a TB test that I am going to try to get from the student health center today. They have to discuss it in a board meeting which should happen this afternoon. Hopefully I will be in an orientation and observation mode with them by the end of the week. They want to know what I can do for them and the question is like being thrown in the deep end and not knowing how to swim. I will probably be an aide in one of the classrooms for a while and possibly help in the computer center on some days.

They have a wonderfully set up campus. After hearing some horror stories, this was so completely, wonderfully full of help and activity and so much opportunity, education and care for adults with developmental disabilities, that the interview was worth going to, if only simply to see the campus and their approach. The client really does appear to be the entire focus!

This was edited to delete some of the excesses in description of what was developing in an intensely private relationship, that I felt the need to express that moment.. Mostly it was a childish wish that for one moment that person would read here and understand or make the attempt. Later the relationship came to a full end.

There are parts of this I am going to leave up, because they reflect one way to deal with events and people who do not respond to one in the way one would like. The best thing to remember is that we can't control how others act; we only have control of our own actions and with some effort, our own responses. NO one is in the world to live up to our expectations. The most that we can hope for is that they will sometimes care enough to try to give what we need.

There are parts of some lyrics that reflect a way I am feeling about a personal relationship today. There are words that I wish I could fling out, in the hopes they would make a difference- because of what I want, and because of a way that I would like to be treated. Actions do speak louder than words most of the time. Indifference masked by nice sounding words and pretending to care, is still indifference.

I will do without
The spaces in between
If you can tell me now
What it means to be

You have been found out
I have been deceived
Tell me why you gotta be so cold
How’d you get so high
Why you’re keeping me low
You don’t know, you don’t know
You will go without
A better part of me
There will be no doubt
What this all could mean

Matchbox Twenty (Cold Lyrics)

Now off to find some very positive humor or something wonderfully uplifting from somewhere before I head to class. I will not let events that I can't control, and people who are in the end, simply being themselves and not responsible for being what or who I would like them to be, determine the attitude in which I face the world.

edited 1/15/04

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