Monday, September 08, 2003

You were right and I didn't want to admit the failing. I *am* suffering from a severe case of procrastination. I am tired of deadlines and doing things in a scheduled manner, so in this two weeks off I am resisting getting into projects that I would like to complete before classes start again. And I am not doing many things that are for the ease and comfort of others either. I am basically not doing much and blaming it on anything else.

I know exactly too well, why the initial stuff of college should be completed when people are 18-23 years old. Unfortunately I realized yesterday that I have said that more than once to the same people including in laws. Perhaps I can call those senior moments.

I need to sort and pack up books temporarily and dive into the mess that is the room that I want to fix up. I have to go through the things in there with a strong will. I have to toss and remove things, not pack rat them away for a day that probably won't ever come. I want the room as my own. I want a place to retreat- to close the door and be alone when I need it, to work on my things, my crafts, studying, whatever -- my space. He has his, son has his, and I need mine. I think that part of me is afraid that when I do, that it is the final death knells of this life as it has been. And I don't know if that is good or bad.

There is only so much change I can easily deal with in my life at one time. Going back to college is the major one and the rest are day to day things. The room seems a minor thing, but in my mind it represents so much more...

It was very nice to talk to you via IM. It doesn't make up for things being the way they are, but it makes a difference. And I appreciate the attention that I have been given in the last two days. That too makes a difference.

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