Thursday, October 27, 2005

shadow and pansys "Acceptance of one's life has nothing to do with resignation; it does not mean running away from the struggle. On the contrary, it means accepting it as it comes, with all the handicaps of heredity, of suffering, of psychological complexes and injustices."
~Dr. Paul Tournier

Half a dozen things made it into my journal Wednesday night, but none of them are flushed out enough for a post. I had a long unfamiliar drive to Whittier then back in the dark, during which I fumbled my search for the entrance to one of the freeways home. If there is a way to get lost driving in the dark, I will find it. ;-) Nah- not really, but I remember the handful of times I got a little lost, more than I remember all the probably hundreds or more of times I didn't.

I missed a tiny sign overhead that said 605 North, busy looking for the typical large side of the road freeway sign that didn't exist. I kept driving four miles past the point I decided I had missed the entrance. I'm not really sure why exactly, but there were parts of me warring with other parts about- if, when or where -to turn around. It wound up all ok, though not an adventure I wish to repeat too many times and certainly not longer than a few miles. I should have taken pictures as it was a beautiful community college campus and a very dedicated counseling group I was visiting (class requirement).

Earlier before I left, I did accidentally (wandering around the Kaiser website) discover I now have an appointment for the MRI --November 4. I don't think I will know anything about the results until perhaps the week after that at the earliest.

There are a couple of lessons in all of this that I can almost grasp- about patience, about learning to live with some uncertainty, without categorizing things and without labels, about acceptance of things (even missing freeway entrances and being a little lost) as they are, without giving up dreams, hopes, wishes and even those things I am not sure if I can do or reach... more later as it comes..










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