Thursday, September 15, 2005

endings, beginnings, endings again... a day

"The law of emotional choice: Learning to be aware of feelings is an essential lifetime skill."

~ Dr. Don Merrit, summarizing "The 22 {Non-Negotiable} Laws of Wellness", a book by Greg Anderson


(just at / after sunset a few days ago, playing with settings and equipment at my fav local spot)

I am not at all sure what I am feeling right now, only that I am feeling something that is vague and slightly uneasy. It is a little like "waiting for the other shoe to drop". Uneasy, slightly melancholy, maybe a lot tired.. and the road up ahead is foggier than usual. There are choices to be made in the next day or so, important things I can't seem to weigh out- choosing one of three or four directions. Maybe it doesn't really make any difference- none are bad, all are about equal. I keep thinking one will be more satisfying than another, but this moment none of them seem satisfying enough. Everyone should be faced with making choices between directions that all seem o.k. - right?

The same Greg Anderson is reported to have said: "You can't expect to prevent negative feelings altogether. And you can't expect to experience positive feelings all the time. The Law of Emotional Choice directs us to acknowledge our feelings but also to refuse to get stuck in the negative ones."

It seems like it would be a whole lot easier not to get stuck if I knew exactly what it was that was helping create that nagging 'not quite right' feeling this moment. Perhaps it is the Katrina aftermath or that Katrina followed so closely on other events that I have not processed entirely, or the slow decline of now two of my clients (dangerous line there- forcing me to face my own mortality and manner of ending a little more closely).. or maybe it is just that bit of being tired from a schedule that switches in mid-week - or all of the above and....

Whatever it is, I am hoping that a new day without any outside commitments looks brighter- even as I am pretty sure how it looks, is up to me.

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