Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Sometimes there are no other words

I saw this when it was posted, but I couldn't remember exactly when. I referenced it in Corner previously: The Obvious Feb 19

Most of the time I use the word "frilling" for the more than minor but less than major stuff-- which is a term stolen from Farscape, but there are times when there is only one word that will do. This is one of them.

Everything is crashing around me. I am in danger of losing the pieces of the life I was creating for myself. I have to pick up the pieces now. It was an illusion to think that there was anything else that I could, should or would be doing.

I had a path, a trail I carved out for myself. I don't need someone else's road all neatly laid out to tell me where I am, or where I am going, or limiting the places that I can go. This is my life. I play by my rules. I hold all the maps to my happiness. I don't hurt others intentionally, but if it is a choice between their happiness and mine and I must lose all of me, then I am choosing my happiness first.

How foolish to choose to live unhappy, giving up all of self and living to less than one's potential. Giving isn't about sacrificing self. Giving is about giving one's fullness, one's uniqueness, one's whole self- not submerging any or all the parts to please others.

I am not going to play by someone else's rules and I am not afraid of taking charge of my own life. I sometimes am afraid of the unknown, but I am not going to let it stop me from moving and making choices. Being half or less of what I am isn't an option. Living small with regrets, or thinking that I must protect everyone else from any hurt I might cause -on account of just being me- is a useless life.

Acceptance of others doesn't depend on what I get from them. I give that just because everyone ought to be entitled to be who they are. I have feelings in abundance, and I am not afraid to feel any of them. I have love to give and I am not afraid of giving it. I am not afraid of being loved, though there are times when I am afraid that no one will want the love I have to give. That might be a waste, but it isn't my choice and it isn't a reason to stop loving. Pain- yeah, I have that in abundance too-- so what? I thought maybe rebuilding the walls with a gate was the answer, but I have changed my mind.

This is one of those days. As The Obvious Feb 19 post said ...

Channel 4Ads also found via The Obvious in March. But the Channel 4 thing doesn't appear to be loading. Perhaps it is gone. Too bad, it was funny and I could use a good laugh right now.

No comments: