Friday, June 10, 2005

mud and fog

"More important than the quest for certainty is the quest for clarity" ~Francois Gautier

I am still searching much of the time I think...

I am not sure where that last post came from exactly. I have said/written similar things at different times which are probably in bits and pieces in the archives, but while reflecting later on what I was really thinking about and why the words came tumbling out that way in that particular moment, the thought came that I wish that certain things didn't really matter to me in quite the same way....

Change the way I think about them of course, is the answer. But I know it both is and isn't that simple.

The truth is that while I actually have discovered a huge number of the "lenses" I use to view the world, where they came from and dealt with some of the questions of if I wanted to choose some of them or not, I have not been successful in changing them all at will. There are some that are stubborn and sticky little devils, that I think should be different, and some of those are still the first I find under certain circumstances. And I am always discovering new ones that I wasn't aware existed. Perception is a tricky thing- simple and complex layers all at once.

The problem with not having a single 'anchoring' philosophy, rather several bits and pieces that seem to be right and truthful for me, is that there is no single place to look when I am seeking answers. And so I don't always find a definitive way to interpret me to me.

And why do I need to interpret me to me? Because until I can see and understand my reactions really clearly most of the time, I can't begin to see someone else clearly. And seeing someone else clearly, knowing my own lenses and trying to put those aside to see through the lenses someone else is using, is what every psych/counseling professor will tell a student is the first step towards becoming a good counselor. It isn't enough to be accepting, although that is a huge start (Rogers is still right, but as generally taught, incomplete). But the place i am looking for involves empathy, switching perception and being able to see from someone else's lenses as well as apply my own knowledge, intuition and thought to their best worldview which always will still be only my perception of their worldview. But it is easier to sort out which is me and which is more or less theirs, if I at least can know which of my own lenses that might interfere.

I know that I don't need to know "THE" answers in part because I don't believe there are any single set of them that are universally "right" and everyone needs to find their own, but I do need to know as many of my own ways of being, thinking and seeing as possible.

Oh and this is just another muddied up thought process that found its way into a post. I don't know why I try to put these things down when I know my head is still partially stuck behind that dense fog.

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