Friday, June 03, 2005

A day off and...

"The joy of life is made up of obscure and seemingly mundane victories that gives us our own small satisfactions." ~Billy Joel

"Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein." ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Yesterday was a good and very satisfying day, but it is over, done, fading memory. Today, the to-do list is in my head nagging for attention. So far I have resisted for this is supposed to be my one day off from all but truly personal (as opposed to home keeping, family, school or client) things.

It was my plan (ten or twelve weeks ago or so) to use this day through the spring and summer as a breathing space, taking time for a little weekly wander in the local mountains or places a couple of hours away, trying to find a particular northward rocky beach I once walked which is covered in ocean/sand polished moonstone and jade, visiting my sister for an afternoon or three, working on organizing my personal space and room which will be my own to shut myself behind closed door and have alone time when I wish, and other similar pursuits. Reading, thinking and just "being" were in there as some of the essential ways to spend Friday's in pursuit of losing some of the self imposed tension and stress of the past couple of years.

I have found though, that through a combination of events- one: I am not usually alone (husband unexpectedly through a downturn in business, has Friday's off most of the time through the summer now, and in which I can see shades of what his retirement might be like for me- not a picture which I wish to contemplate, but must be faced); and two: I am so tired by week's end, that I simply want to read for pleasure and relax without going anywhere and without talking to anyone; and three: there are always odds and ends of things to do for clients that seem to have no other hour in the week to fit. I think this last is an illusion, because there surely is another spot in the week where if I were more organized and 'wheel to the grindstone' about the odd moments, I could fit in these minor phone calls and tasks.

Today I have the alone time and zero ambition to get in my car to drive to anywhere- even five minutes for that mountain peace and calmness. I also have zero ambition to be deep and thoughtful. I think I will attempt to finalize my camera purchase (in the works since January) and then read something entirely frivolous the rest of the day until the take home final exam of short essay answers and journal essay of emotional impressions from the last few classes, bothers me so much that I can't ignore it any longer-- maybe by about ten pm. ;-)

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