Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Reflective state of mind

I don't think I would trade being in my fifties to being a teenager again, though there are a few things I occasionally think about for which a "do-over" might be nice... well, only for a moment do I think it might be nice. There are opportunities I missed or turned down that might have been good, and moments of injury and pain of one sort or another that I might like to not have experienced- but would I be the same person? I think not.

I am here - in this city, in this place, in these situations and circumstances, in this mindset, and with this knowledge- because of those things which I have experienced over the course of the fifty-two years. I haven't always made the right choices, but in retrospect darned if they weren't good for me in the long run. I learned some things I wouldn't have learned otherwise. And in thinking that way, I have to accept that those things I might think of as "bad" choices or no choices where I allowed someone else to do the choosing for me- really weren't "bad" at all. I have to accept that they were necessary to become this me.

Though it does occur to me that I might like to look and feel like I am thirty-five or maybe forty again... being an appearance driven society and all. I think one of the superficial things I miss is being able to turn a few heads now and then.

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