Friday, January 21, 2005

Early afternoon

Home again; finally finished for the day. There are case notes to flush out and little bits of paperwork to do, but I wanted a little time to myself. I took a little detour before going home- towards Tujunga Wash. The pictures are about a mile from home and I will post one or two of them below this (ie. first) if I can get NIS to play nice with the Hello program. I think I am going to create an album somewhere online- if so I will likely post a link to it somewhere.

With regular cameras even when I try to carefully set up a shot, I am one of those occasionally lucky photographers- I have a few pictures in my albums that are wonderful, but my usual best is only average. This tiny camera is pretty much impossible for me to deal with, but I keep making the attempt anyway. It doesn't really matter if I succeed or fail- it is fun to just play.

There was a period in my life where in front of others I would not show things I had done that were less than my critical eye judged fairly good or try new things that I might not be good at doing. I wouldn't have written a blog either. I didn't want to do or show anything that made me feel less capable and more incompetent than I already felt in so many areas of my life- and I just knew I would see some sort of negative judgment in the eyes of others, because that is how I felt about myself.

There were a lot of reasons that I traveled into that hole and it was a seemingly large change from the bravado and confidence I had displayed on the outside through my mid-thirties. It took many years to get any of that confidence back, only this time it was not a display for public consumption, but instead something I truly felt. I still have many occasions where I feel terribly unsure of myself- but I am less fearful of trying and failing at anything these days and less judgmental about what might constitute failure- for anyone, including me.

So taking these pictures and posting them no matter their quality- is a rather big change from the me that used to live here.

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