Friday, July 01, 2005

22 years...


"A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year." ~Paul Sweeney

"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages." ~Friedrich Nietzsche

"The formula for a happy marriage? It's the same as the one for living in California: when you find a fault, don't dwell on it" ~Jay Trachman

It's my anniversary... I guess the proper way to state that would be it is "our anniversary"- 42% or so of my life married to this one man; 38% or so of his life, married to me (which probably wasn't easy). I got a nice card with a sweet note to wake up to this morning and I had left one near the coffee pot, so the exchange was mutual (no way was I getting up at 4:45 a.m). I don't know what the plans are for this evening if any, but probably dinner together since that is our Friday routine already. I haven't had a chance to talk to him about it, and we are too old and wise to make plans for the other without a prior conversation.

We've weathered some things in those 22 years, seen a lot of ups and downs, often been close to calling it quits, were/are good parents, complementary in strengths and weaknesses and raised a wonderful son. At this stage it is comfortable, but not my idea of a great marriage (though perhaps it is my ideal that is flawed). Then again, marriage is whatever two people make of it and you get what you settle for.... We are friends, sometimes not close ones, but there are things he knows about me that no one else does (and vice versa). In the concrete kinds of emergencies he would be there for me and has been (also vice versa). There is comfort and security in routines and being able to count on someone when it truly matters most.

The grass is not always greener and the older I get the less likely I am to change things in search of some elusive and perhaps non-existent color.

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