Unconscious Mutterings Week 130

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Risks:: the choice is to live life fully or be risk free, not necessarily both
   
2. Abdominal:: pain
   
3. Radiant:: my client's smile upon arriving at her new place
   
4. The usual:: Murphy's Law
   
5. Mix and match:: the way I like my clothing
   
6. Wireless:: telephone
   
7. Remedial:: reading
   
8. Mile:: miles and miles to go
   
9. Long lost:: sanity (mine)
   
10. Only one:: to a customer

Weekly word list found at Unconscious Mutterings.

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M-Day!

Today was moving day for one of my clients who has wanted to move into a place with her finacee for several years. It is the first place that is really hers, and the first place either of them have lived without other roommates.

There were boxes, and boxes and boxes, and bags and loose items in a variety of forms... and an accumulation of things that couldn't be parted with... not even a sixteenth of them shown here.





And for my client, the day also involved a trip to the hospital emergency room for a broken foot- the result of a fall down some stairs carrying clothing.

I will be back there tomorrow and Monday- to assist with some unpacking, retrieve some items that were left behind and help them set up for the week ahead (groceries and food items), as well as help my client take care of her foot until we can get an appointment with a doctor who will give her a cast.

But the majority of things are done other than unpacking and there are just minor details that will be accomplished over the next few weeks as they settle into their new digs, buy a few new items, learn new budgets, chores, and routines- and we whip things into some basic organization, so it feels like home to them.

I am exhausted after several hours last night and eight solid hours today without much of a break. I have been working on this the entire month, from helping them find a place they could afford, in a neighborhood they could walk in, close to bus lines, jobs and stores-- to the details of applications, deposits, signing papers, ordering utilities and packing. After the next few days, I will need a week to recover... my body is already screaming at me to lie down and be still.

But tonight, they are sleeping in their own place.
:)

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Questions and Answers

Of course as everyone knows, the answer to the "ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything" is "42".

;-)

"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said, "I don't know." ~Mark Twain

The above is what I fear may be the best answer to many questions on today's midterm exam in counseling research and program evaluation.

"To solve any problem, here are three questions to ask yourself: First, what could I do? Second, what could I read? And third, who could I ask?" ~Jim Rohn

That is a variation of the ways I have been working this week -only instead of what could I read and who could I ask, it was where could I look it up, and who can I call or email?

and....

"Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer." ~Anonymous

Alas, mine assume I am fine, strong, always under control... There are several ways to interpret that; and of course, if they asked, depending on how they asked, I would probably answer- "fine". Sometimes even friends and family don't really want to know the answer...


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Space

"I don't think the human race will survive the next thousand years, unless we spread into space. There are too many accidents that can befall life on a single planet. But I'm an optimist. We will reach out to the stars." ~Stephen Hawking

"The question to ask is whether the risk of traveling to space is worth the benefit. The answer is an unequivocal yes, but not only for the reasons that are usually touted by the space community: the need to explore, the scientific return, and the possibility of commercial profit. The most compelling reason, a very long-term one, is the necessity of using space to protect Earth and guarantee the survival of humanity." ~William E. Burrows

"The Earth is just too small and fragile a basket for the human race to keep all its eggs in." ~Robert Heinlein

The NASA announcement that the shuttles are going to be grounded again after this flight, makes me a little sad. I don't want another disaster, but I surely hope they aren't grounded for long. I believe humankind needs the hope and dreams that space exploration provides.

There are of course, all the indications that private flights into space aren't that far distant into our future.

"Richard Branson and Burt Rutan Form Spacecraft Building Company" reads the headline at Space.com. The article goes on to say that the company will be called "The Spaceship Company". I Googled that, but other than the news articles there is no website.

Of course, Virgin Galactic does have a website and their vision and hopes are presented on their pages.

And Scaled Composites along with this website in their projects pages, Scaled Composites- Tier One/SpaceShipOne - announced they were joining with Richard Branson several months ago.

I want to see a Mars and Moon Colony company (for starters) with visions that befit the loftiest principles of peace, equality, and cooperation, and using the highest set of ethics, want to do things that benefit all of humankind, not just the few who hold the most dollars.

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The busy week is going quickly. Today was an unexpected day home making phone calls after taking my car to the mechanic. The car is still there and I still don't know what is wrong with it, because my trusted mechanic had a half a dozen other vehicles ahead of mine.. I only had room for a few unexpected events this week- this wasn't one of them, but stuff happens [shrug]. It is a good thing we are a multi-vehicle family and I don't have to be anywhere during the day until Saturday.
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"God speed" Discovery

NASA- Return to Flight

"On behalf of the many millions of people who believe so deeply in what we do, God speed" ~Launch Director Mike Leinbach

Discovery, Shuttle Commander Eileen Collins and her crew of six are on their way to the International Space Station.

" ... in America's new journey to the Moon, Mars and beyond"*

(*NASA comment during liftoff)

NASA- Discovery mission and crew details

NASA Live, NASA TV

obviously, I didn't jump right in to working this morning.
:-)

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Divide the large into smaller portions

"Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs." ~ Henry Ford

I have found that is mostly true.

Of course, it doesn't take into account those small jobs whose little tiny loose threads keep becoming unraveled and slightly changing each time in their parameters... and Murphy.

;-)

I have many small jobs and a busy week that started this morning (well, really last week). I will be able to breathe freely again after next weekend is over. Big work project final push date is Saturday (which involves a client moving into a new apartment), and there will of necessity, and for some time to come- be many small things that will be required to knit things into a smooth running order and routine.

Plus it is midterm exam time on Thursday.

There are pictures from last weekend and I am taking my camera with me each day.. but I have no time to look at, resize and post them. ... maybe soon..

About the bombings in Egypt- they too are in my thoughts. I have acquaintances here, with family there. So many horrible things and events going on in the world- it continues to sadden me.

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Unconscious Mutterings Week 129

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Believing:: is seeing ;-)
   
2. Invasion:: insidious
   
3. Boys:: BoysStuff Co.UK with some interesting "toys" and things, but horribly sexist when checking out their "girlstuff" section..
   
4. Island:: surrounded by fog and deception
   
5. Repeatedly:: dismayed by world events
   
6. Normal:: no one such thing
   
7. Hex:: hexagon, hex nut; spell cast
   
8. Tuxedo:: formal wear in which men look so nice (then again, denim is always good)
   
9. Virgin:: territory
   
10. Cereal:: oatmeal

Weekly word list found at Unconscious Mutterings

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Mini trip (Angeles Forest, Tujunga Dam)

We are still in the middle of a heat wave and my car didn't like the combination of the climb, heat and AC running, so it was necessary to turn the AC off. I probably need to check the fluid levels in the radiator, something I have neglected to do (husband's job ;-) ).

I was a little leery of stopping and being seen by rangers, because I didn't purchase a day pass- so I didn't stay for long. But it was a very nice, deliberately slow drive up and back, only seeing four other cars the entire time. It was as if I had that part of the forest area all to myself- just exactly what was needed.

Here are a couple of photos and a few others can be found at Flickr.


Tujunga Dam, Overlook


unknown yellow wild flowers (same location)

The camera will be with me on Saturday and if I am not too worn out by the time I am driving home, I might get a few shots in the Chatsworth area.. I love that huge rock formation at Topanga Canyon and Santa Susana Pass. The weekend climbers seem to like it too.

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taking time off and out, even if stolen...

"Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward." ~ Kurt Vonnegut

The new camera is here (arrived Wednesday- Beach Camera rocks!!), but I still haven't had a chance to play with it. However, everything that absolutely without fail needed to be done before Saturday morning is finished, except for one item.

Tomorrow I am mostly taking the day off, with what I hope to be only a quick stop by work to turn in my time for the past two weeks (and maybe to pick up art and craft supplies for my newest Tuesday client). There are a dozen other urgent things to do for work, studying for a midterm exam (next Thursday), class reading, fall term class choices, jury duty registration, never finished household chores and the list goes on and on... but I need to breathe.

Saturday it is back to work (my routine for the next several weeks), so on Friday I will be pretending I don't see work emails, am not answering the phone, and will not be thinking about studying. With any luck - even if the weather is still the horrible humid, ninety plus degrees, there might be a picture or two for a post... and at the very least, a more relaxed me by evening.

~~~~~~~
To the folks in the U.K. - you are in my thoughts...

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Resilience

Though it is something I am on guard against (especially given my chosen fields), I have a tendency at times to internalize other people's grief, problems and stress, adding them to my own. I am not so sure I am always good at handling my own, and especially not when I am adding other's.

I was quickly perusing the APA Moniter this morning on a break from writing yet another paper (and getting ready for a work day/night which will begin very shortly) and found a link to this at the APA help center: "The Road To Resilience" which can be viewed online page by page or downloaded in pdf form. The entire article has several pieces of information that are worth reading.

In the "Staying Flexible" section was this:

"Resilience involves maintaining flexibility and balance in your life as you deal with stressful circumstances and traumatic events. This happens in several ways, including:

• Letting yourself experience strong emotions, and also realizing when you may need to avoid experiencing them at times in order to continue functioning


• Stepping forward and taking action to deal with your problems and meet the demands of daily living, and also stepping back to rest and reenergize yourself


• Spending time with loved ones to gain support and encouragement, and also nurturing yourself


• Relying on others, and also relying on yourself"

Wise words.

Before I fly out the door, edited to add:
American Psychological Association Help Center - also worth perusing.

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excited

As a selfish reward for major progress on the most difficult parts of a project for a client, plus last years aggregated birthday (October) and end of the year gift from extended family (plus graduation and anniversary gift to self since husband didn't think to give either), I ordered a camera Monday morning:

Cannon PowerShot A95

I have been thinking about this and trying to decide, since before October of last year.

The purchase is selfish, selfish, selfish.. but I am excited... both for the progress on the project and purchasing the camera. The camera will arrive about the time the project is being completed- with any luck a few days before. Gosh, I might even be able to take careful photos of the final event!

This will be a busy week and there is a paper due on Thursday, so posting might be sporadic for a few days.. But it is amazing how a sucess close to home and a selfish purchase can brighten a mood.

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echoes from another time

"Some believe there is nothing one man or one woman can do against the enormous array of the world's ills -- against misery, against ignorance, or injustice and violence. Yet many of the world's great movements, of thought and action, have flowed from the work of a single man. A young monk began the Protestant reformation, a young general extended an empire from Macedonia to the borders of the earth, and a young woman reclaimed the territory of France. It was a young Italian explorer who discovered the New World, and 32 year old Thomas Jefferson who proclaimed that all men are created equal. 'Give me a place to stand,' said Archimedes, 'and I will move the world.' These men moved the world, and so can we all." ~ Robert F. Kennedy

I so don't understand the world, right now, not that I ever did. A part of me wants to turn away, keep sweeping up my little corner no matter how unending a task that might be, withdraw a bit now and then to regroup, but basically shut out the rest. The underlying hope is for enough people sweeping up little corners to have a ripple effect on the world at large.

A part of me says that isn't the only right solution for me, but I have no other answers. And though I am not the following kind exactly, I don't see any leaders emerging to rally behind with answers to end the various lunacies either.

dual posted
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Aging

A good read :
The Abundant Pleasures of Getting Older

Posted at Time Goes By - What it's really like to get older with this attribution:

It was emailed to me by kenju at JustAskJudy who got it from a friend of hers. It is untitled, but attributed to novelist and Salon columnist Anne LaMott as published in O, The Oprah Magazine, but I can’t confirm that.

Wherever it came from, it should be read by everyone who fears getting old.

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Unconscious Mutterings Week 128

"I say ... and you think ... ?"

1. Tolerate:: only barely, the heat
   
2. Release:: tears
   
3. My soul:: light, life essence, non-ego/ not-me, or something else?
   
4. Sax:: blues
   
5. HP:: computer
   
6. Worth:: value, not monetary
   
7. Rockstar:: one that comes to mind this moment is Sheryl Crow
   
8. Terrify:: don't think I do for the most part, but remember a few moments with an 'ied'.
   
9. Knock me off my feet:: certain sort of figurative wish
   
10. Taunt:: mocking, hurtful derision
    

Want to play? Weekly word list is at Unconscious Mutterings

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replacement Friday post

"The obscure we see eventually. The completely apparent takes a little longer." ~Edward R. Morrow

I woke up last night with helicopters flying overhead, and some may have seen the post I created then and took down this morning. I was seeking humorous quotations about helicopters, and there were a few, but not deserving of a post. My judgment in the wee hours of the morning after I have slept some, wakened and am still under the influence of the mild prescription sleeping aid I use, is questionable.

I am human with all the foibles, quirks and variability in rationality that implies.

Someone said in comments, that I "should be a lovely person if your posts are from your heart and soul."

I don't know that I am a "lovely person". I have ups and downs and days where my first thoughts are not always the ones I would want the world to see. But on those days, my second and third thoughts are most often the ones I use to interact with the world. Those are the ones that come from a kinder, more thoughtful me- and usually a slightly less self-centric point of view.

The posts come from the me of the moment, if not always from the heart. I see no point to posturing at this stage of my life, feeling as if it serves zero purpose and is a waste of my time. Besides, "If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything." (Mark Twain).

I might add that I don't feel as if I am a fixed entity and neither is this blog- rather a work in progress, always.

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new blog find, quotation, and a brief note about Wednesday..

" ... So we come back, inevitably, to the problem of women writing the truth. We must write the truth in order to validate our own feelings. Dictators burn books because they know that books help people claim their feelings and that people who claim their feelings are harder to crush." ~Erica Jong

Found at Sneak Peeks by Louise Yeiser a delightfully written blog found via sidebar perusing at Sacred Ordinary

I like Erica Jong and beyond her poetry and books, she is fascinating to listen to when she is interviewed on public radio.

The thoughts about people who claim their feelings being harder to crush, seems to hold some resonance for me..

~~~~~~~~~~~
Wednesday wrap up notes: To those who don't want to read the comments section of the Wednesday post;
Yes, it worked. Yes it was a much better day by deliberately making sure I noticed the simple pleasing things, aspects of my surroundings and kind people in the day.

Most of us know attitude matters, and that our perception is skewed when we are looking from darker places. Looking with eyes and hearing with ears that are tasked to also look for the pleasing aspects of the world, doesn't eliminate problems; It isn't a magical wand that sends daily hassles away, but it allows one to face whatever comes ones way from a better starting point- and some balance. I believe that. I can live that way, even when I am feeling a downward spiral, if I make an effort to choose that focus.

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nerd score

LOL... should I admit this? ;-)



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Deliberately choosing a lens

One of my clients called me first thing this morning. She was upset because she was left to wait in her bed for an hour and a half for someone to help her start the day. I was sympathetic (even empathetic), but asked about how many caregivers were on duty this morning. It turns out there were 3, at least on her floor and in addition to everyone else, they were tasked with helping 8 elderly and other people (ambulatory and non ambulatory) out the door for day programs by 7:30 a.m. I suspect they got to her as quickly as they could, though I didn't say that and the problem lies with management and staffing.

My client doesn't understand and thinks they were deliberately ignoring her. After a few minutes of listening and sympathetic understanding, I suggested alternative possibilities, but she hung up.

I don't take this personally of course. She is my age, and has a different understanding of the world (don't we all?). She is who she is today and I accept her differences, even understand some of them. But the whole start to the morning was the indication that between the heat and everything else it could be a difficult, rough edged day for me.

I have been in a deepening funk for the past several weeks. Today I resolve to find the positives. There will be something about each place and person I encounter that will catch my eyes or ears. My teeny camera will be with me and I will be watching for pleasing pictures, even if I don't take them. I will be listening for birds, especially crows (meaningful to me), and listening for people's laughter. I will be watching for smiles and the tiny moments of simple pleasures. I will notice these things and not absorb the rest. And I will make sure that where I can, I practice the tiny kindnesses that often have a ripple effect.

I am headed out the door now in a 'be gentle' with the world, 'let the negatives slide away' frame of mind.... in the hopes that using that lens will soothe all the rough edges that the day might contain.

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heat and trivia

"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get." ~Mark Twain

We are in the midst of a heat wave, with temperatures by 2 p.m. or so reaching 100 (F) and over. We don't see that often, though it is always hotter in the Valley during summer, than up here. Unfortunately, everywhere I have to be is in the Valley.

I looked for some amusing quotations about the Valley and stumbled upon this website and blog... not bad work.

And on a page within that site were these:

"L.A. is surrounded by valleys, but there's only one Valley, and to everybody who lives on the other side of the hill from it, it's a standing joke." ~Peter Israel (Hush Money).

"The same people who'll drive from Santa Monica to Pasadena (twenty-five miles) without blinking find lunch in Reseda (sixteen miles) much too far." ~Sandra Tsing Loh (Buzz magazine)

yup. ;-)

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p.s. I am still following the U.K. news, and you all continue to be in my thoughts...

the view through colored lenses

"Life is a train of moods like a string of beads, and as we pass through them they prove to be many colored lenses, which paint the world their own hue, and each shows us only what lies in its own focus."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson (Experience)

Various thoughts also brought a favorite Feynman quotation to mind tonight.

"The first principle is that you must not fool yourself and you are the easiest person to fool."
~Richard Feynman

For now, the thoughts I will leave for more private places.

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imposed patterns and rhythms

"During our regular, overscheduled days, we tend to surrender to patterns and rhythms imposed on us from outside -- work, family, social interactions." Gabrielle Roth*

This is what I can't seem to escape often enough and what I think creates the most problems for me. I notice I have much more energy when I am allowed to get back to and then run on my own rhythms for a few days.

*August 2005. in: Unwinding; Listen to your inner rhythms. Body and Soul, 22 (5), 68.

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Unconscious Mutterings Week 127

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Do-it-yourself:: often; fairly handy with tools, repairing, building and making things
   
2. Pickpocket:: never met one
   
3. Ballet:: the art of expressing stories and emotions with movement to music
   
4. Resumé:: have a few versions
   
5. Phenom:: gifted
   
6. Love/Hate:: yes
   
7. Unusual:: always cause for note
   
8. Intense:: feeling
   
9. Interruption:: some days, some moments makes me crazy.. other times, taken in stride
   
10. Not enough:: love in the world
    

Weekly word list from Unconscious Mutterings.

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sense and sanity

I don't really have many words of my own that are ready for public consumption... so perhaps with a couple of minor comments, I will link to a few from others that struck me today.

From The London News Review, A Letter To The Terrorists, From London,  the best rationally written -'middle finger raised to the bad guys, you can't stop us that easily'- pieces that I have seen. The opening lines:

What the fuck do you think you're doing?

This is London. We've dealt with your sort before.

Thanks for the link go to Euan at The Obvious

While you're at The London News Review, you might want to take a look at London bombs: kicking off the 2012 Olympics with a bang  for one explanation of why now.

From Sacred Ordinary: World-Wide Aftermath of London Bombings  where reflecting and trying to write a comment, I found myself finally able to start processing some of the less understood pieces of what was going on inside me. Thanks for the signposts and seeds, Fran.

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shocked and horrified

More than 24 hours without the news while catching up on things and the world has become an even more sad and terrifying place. Petty things like reports, academic papers and the like, seem completely unimportant.

To everyone in the U.K. and especially in London, my thoughts are with you.

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just in time...

"A Bus Station is where buses stop. A Train Station is where trains stop. On my desk, there is a Work Station." ~J. Wätte

Starting out on Tuesday makes the week fly by- which would be great except for the various deadlines.. oh.. and the fact that I will be working with a client on the weekend.

One tiny, but surprisingly difficult paper completed for my Thursday night class, all done up properly (I hope) in APA format, as well as three monthly client case notes finished, plus some minor assorted things. That is about half of the documents needed for the non-profit (by Friday) and my class, but more than 3/4 of the actual work finished. I am a terrible procrastinator about paperwork.

I am quitting for the night, but it looks much more like smoother sailing at this point than it did at 9 p.m. this evening. Of course I'm wide awake now, which may change how I feel about all of it when the alarm goes off later this morning.

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"life is opinion"

"The universe is change, life is opinion."

"The mind in itself wants nothing, unless it creates a want for itself; therefore it is both free from perturbation and unimpeded, if it does not perturb and impede itself."

~Marcus Aurelius

Wikipedia: Stoicism

Maybe life isn't opinion, but our perception of it is surely.

There are a few things about Stoicism which have always attracted me... Like all philosophies that have touched my life, I have felt free to pick and choose the pieces that rang true, and not necessarily the whole.

There are moments though, when I wish there was some "unified theory"  of me.

Morning will come too early, and I have spent too long on too many catch up things..

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change

"No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man." ~Heraclitus

There are many things on my mind this night. In the background are all the personal things that call for doing. The morning will be soon enough for those; tonight my energy levels have dipped very low.

The deep echoing explosions and popping crackles that were ripping up the night, seem to have finally died down in the last few minutes. The night seems quiet once again, though ominously so or peacefully, I can't determine. I would prefer peaceful because of the calming emotions attached to the word, but at this moment neutral is ok too.

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"The Girl in the Cafe"

2:00 a.m. I missed the first few minutes, but what a wonderful movie!!

BBC: Africa Lives: The Girl in the Cafe introduction "The Girl in the Cafe is a tenderly funny and poignant love story for BBC ONE, commissioned as part of a range of programmes the BBC is making to celebrate Africa in 2005."

HBO: The Girl in the Cafe "He's a shy civil servant working for the British delegation to the 2005 G8 Summit. She's an alluring young woman he meets at a café - and invites to the Summit on a whim. Together, this unlikely couple might just change history. Written by award-winning screenwriter Richard Curtis. Directed by David Yates."

Update 10:20 PDST: In the real world- "Britain is confident of progress on its African agenda -- EU states have pledged to boost aid to 0.7 percent of national income by 2015 and 100 percent debt relief has been agreed for 18 of the world's poorest countries while Washington has promised to double aid to Africa, albeit from a low base.

But much of that money may not come through for 5 years, something aid agencies say will cost countless lives."

By the way, I read about the movie on The Obvious  and though I sent a trackback, I forgot to credit his brief post as giving me a heads up. Thanks, Euan.

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Happy 4th of July

" We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by the Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and ..."

Here there is an annual small town parade where the town turns out to line the sidewalks to watch just about anyone and everyone who belongs to any local group (adults and children; bikers and cops; veterans and stuck in the sixties hippies, classic car owners and corvette owners, horses with riders and drill teams of all kinds, to name a few) march down the street. I will probably sleep late and miss the start and maybe the finish of the parade, but I thought I might try to catch a picture or two- maybe. There will be fireworks at the local high school tonight and a carnival going on at the park. The day will go by much too fast as holiday's do, especially since everyone will have to be at work on Tuesday.

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Unconscious Mutterings Week 126

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Statistics:: useful, necessary, often misused and misunderstood
   
2. Grin:: laughter, smiles; like those endorphins
   
3. Saturn:: pretty from a distance planet with rings
   
4. Fulfilled:: working on it, or an equivalent in my mind
   
5. Life plan:: have made a few, lived a few, changed a few
   
6. Cult:: beware of giving away the power to think critically for oneself to anyone, especially to anyone who tells you they have the only right answer.
   
7. Lily:: of the valley
   
8. Stalemate:: sometimes in life and government preferable to checkmate
   
9. Celebration:: the most recent- anniversary
   
10. Underwear:: you didn't think I would tell you about mine did you? Oh, on second thought, I think I did say something about shopping at Victoria's Secret in a post last year. ;-)
    

Want to play? Go to Unconscious Mutterings

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22 years...

"A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year." ~Paul Sweeney

"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages." ~Friedrich Nietzsche

"The formula for a happy marriage? It's the same as the one for living in California: when you find a fault, don't dwell on it" ~Jay Trachman

It's my anniversary... I guess the proper way to state that would be it is "our anniversary"- 42% or so of my life married to this one man; 38% or so of his life, married to me (which probably wasn't easy). I got a nice card with a sweet note to wake up to this morning and I had left one near the coffee pot, so the exchange was mutual (no way was I getting up at 4:45 a.m). I don't know what the plans are for this evening if any, but probably dinner together since that is our Friday routine already. I haven't had a chance to talk to him about it, and we are too old and wise to make plans for the other without a prior conversation.

We've weathered some things in those 22 years, seen a lot of ups and downs, often been close to calling it quits, were/are good parents, complementary in strengths and weaknesses and raised a wonderful son. At this stage it is comfortable, but not my idea of a great marriage (though perhaps it is my ideal that is flawed). Then again, marriage is whatever two people make of it and you get what you settle for.... We are friends, sometimes not close ones, but there are things he knows about me that no one else does (and vice versa). In the concrete kinds of emergencies he would be there for me and has been (also vice versa). There is comfort and security in routines and being able to count on someone when it truly matters most.

The grass is not always greener and the older I get the less likely I am to change things in search of some elusive and perhaps non-existent color.

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