I've been re-reading my Berne books (Transactional Analysis, Eric Berne, M.D). In "What do you say after you say hello", I am in the section where he is talking about programming- where we get the scripts, script controls and the counterscripts, etc. According to Berne, we usually get our script patterns from the parent of the same sex and the script controls from the parent of the opposite sex. There are a lot of other things of course, including that you can get scripts and counterscripts from the same parent, and there are more dynamics to this including which parts of which parent are giving us the scripts, controls and counterscripts, but before he goes into more detail he says this:
"The Fortune Cookie Theory of human living says that each child gets to pull two cookies from the family bowl: one square and one jagged. The square one is a slogan, such as "Work hard!" or "Stick with it!" while the jagged one is a scripty joker, such as "Forget your homework," "Act clumsy," or "Drop dead." Between the two, unless he throws them away, his life style and his final destiny are written."
I'm for throwing away those cookies and choosing ones of our own. But I am wondering if we are ever sure we got rid of all the crumbs?