The nature of community and interaction via blogs.

I ran across a post at Jeremy Hiebert's headspaceJ -- Instructional Design and Technology that linked to this post and this one at blog.IT which prompted this post at Object Learning.

The topic of community interests me and I think that Brian at Object Learning makes some of the points I might have made about Evans musings as well as many that I wouldn't have thought about. The whole topic is worth some more thought but these are my initial ones and I duplicated this post to Corner of Babble. (They usually have different readers and the topic might be of interest to both)

Evan is right that a lot of the time it isn't a conversation that we are engaged in so much as a conversation about each other, though most have a comment or two to add when they link to someone else. And if no one comments on our posts or links back to them adding their thoughts, or we don't know that they have or don't feel comfortable initiating contact with someone whose posts we have thoughts about, then the community aspect is difficult to feel or see.

I think that it might have something to do with our particular motivation and approach to the world though. If we are reticent about commenting on others blogs (something I sometimes have a difficulty with myself until I feel some comfort level with who they appear to be by what they write), they might not stumble across ours and share in our conversation.

But even when we know who is linking to us, participate in commenting on others blogs and they ours, it is a loose community of interests and the bonds that might be created are not necessarily as strong as a newsgroup or BB. It takes more effort to create and maintain a connection here.

And that sends me off on a half a dozen different tangents...

I may post more about this after I think about it.

Ok, I'll play.

If you begin with Andy's post at Older and growing... but first read the history of the various bloggers on this topic,

( via Andy: The current dialogue began here, was picked up here, here, and here, and echoed in a parallel thread here.) ...

... then this is a part of my response. I don't know if I will have time to pick up the thread again, but if the topic continues I will try to keep up.

In its strictest sense one's persona is the outward self we present to the world. It has variously been called a facade of the whole person, a shell of the person- the mask we wear to face the world. Within the persona are the roles we adopt in daily life and the ways we respond to others. At times some people forget that they are neither the role nor only the outward projection they present to others. And there are some reinforcing aspects in our use of different personas in different environments.

I would suggest that there is a need within most if not all of us, to be understood in a full sense without the masks and that there is danger when we ignore the truth of ourselves that these are only pieces and not the whole. I could go on a tangent about the uses of personas and how it can be functional at times to adopt certain roles in and during the moments we need them. But those are thoughts for another time.

I think Andy is right- we must work harder online in a text only world, to reveal the things that others might see in person.

But in working a little harder, we might actually reveal more of our inner selves than perhaps others notice in person.

It is true that there are people, who are completely different in person than online, but I am not sure that doesn't also reveal something secret about the person who is perceived in that manner. For if we are very different online than off, we may be pretending online to be something we wish to be in the rest of our lives or hiding something that we don't wish others in face to face interactions, to see about ourselves or we have some hidden agenda that we don't wish anyone to see. There are likely more reasons and from a psychological perspective, they might be interesting to explore, but that is another tangent.

I have run across "fake" persons online. In some places they are more abundant than in others. We run across "fake" persons in the face to face world too. They are the con artists and manipulators of the world. They are the insecure folks who are very afraid that we won't like them. And they are the ones who want something from us that they know or think we would not willingly give.

In a world of text, the body language, facial expressions, vocal inflections and other mannerisms we use to interpret the spoken word are missing and we feed a bit of our own perceptions into the blank places to compensate. We may use other things to add some context, such as webspace design or links that the person finds interesting or the shape and color of the text they use, even the smiley faces they insert in instant message conversations. We fill in the rest of the blanks with what we think should be there- based entirely on our own perceptions about the face to face world and if we have been around a while, our perceptions of the online world as well.

I don't think this makes online "personas" more likely to be faked any more than face to face personas are faked. I think that makes this just one more place that we use masks to face the world. I think the masks might have as many holes online as off, once you get used to looking for them.

The hard part of the week ends on a Thursday.

Well, the hard part sort of ends on a Thursday. It isn't the classes themselves, it is the driving, being gone for 11-12 hours and then studying more after I get home that cause me to call it the hard part. The part where I spend the next three days reading, writing and working on projects in between putting on my other hats to work on the routine things that make a home run more smoothly- begins now. Reading, writing and thinking are the easy parts. Time to get to it all is really the hard part.

The theories class is my favorite this quarter. I will have more to say later, but the various cognitive and behavioral perspectives will have a place in my "toolbox". Cognitive and existential fit with my views of life and our existence, but there is something of value in all the perspectives depending on the client in front of me and their needs. I still have to choose a best fit and write about it for the class, though I can choose more than one if I can explain why in the context of my beliefs. I have to start the paper this weekend along with projects and papers for every other class. There are a few more of the most used theories left to discuss in the next few weeks, and we are getting into areas that I have less knowledge about. It should be interesting.

I am just getting around to the various newsletters and daily food for thought that I subscribe to from the past week. This was in the November 5, 2003, Quotes of the Day:

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody."
-- Bill Cosby

Where we meet up.

Accepting that reality is subjective and individual for each of us, no matter if there are or aren't objective truths about it that can be discovered, what interests me the most are the intersections of your reality and mine... and the dance we create when it happens.

Finally today, I am getting around to some of the emails I owe to so many old friends and new ones. Please be patient. I will get to them all. Each dance is important to me.

Quotation and quick mentions that crossed my path today.

S/he* who would move mountains, begins by carrying away small stones. ~~Chinese Proverb

* yes, yes, modernized pronoun chosen by me..

~~~~~~~
Tuesday's are simply very long days for me. There were many thoughts today, yet little time to write or really sit and think....
Things I bookmarked to go back and read again included
"Pull bar to raise" from Older and growing which I think will be a phrase I remember for a long time, and on an entirely different note, "Laughter Yoga" from Abyssal Mind.
Beyond how laughter makes us feel in the moment, there are wonderful mood enhancing brain chemicals that are released and linger in our system when we smile or laugh. There is some research (that I don't have a link to at the moment), which suggests that even faking a smile will release some of those same brain chemicals- enough that if we do it long enough, we can alter any underlying negative mood.

There were more thoughts that I tried to write earlier and thought provoking reads- tangents of course- but sleep beckons... and dreams.. which reminds me of something I found at whiskey river.. but I think you will have to discover the less obvious links by yourself. The page has many.

Abyssal Mind

Abyssal Mind :"Do what you want" is Useless: "The more interesting issue to me is not whether I should do what I want, but how can I change what I want so that life works better. By surrounding ourselves with ideas that have lasting meaning we modify our desires, sometimes changing ourselves so much it is like putting on a new mind. "

Well said and an interesting issue to examine. I agree that we always do what we want- by choosing or even by appearing not to choose and consciously or subconsciously for either. With examination of our own particular programming and doing exactly what is said - "surrounding ourselves with ideas that have lasting meaning", we can change our perceptions, thought patterns and actions completely.

"I can't complain but sometimes I still do, Life's been good to me so far".

My car (like its owner perhaps?) apparently doesn't like the cold and rain. I am home working on papers due later in the week because of a little glitch in maintenance. It seems fixed now and ready for the next round. We have gone from 100 degree temps a week or so ago, to rain and temps in the upper thirties (F) tonight. Fall has arrived in Los Angeles. Of course, one should remember when Angelenos complain about rain and cold they are talking about rain which mostly requires the intermittent setting on the windshield wipers and temps in the 35-62 F range. We whine about anything that isn't the average mid seventies to low eighties temps and sunny days. We know how nice we have it, but like the line from the Joe Walsh song- "I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.."- we do. A week ago it was the fires, now it is the cold and rain that are helping to finish off the last of the fires- there is no pleasing us.

Tonight's project is one for the behavioral class. I am trying to figure out new antecedents to target to add a desired behavior - or I am trying to figure out which antecedents are the ones involved in procrastinating the desired behavior.... target is working on housework and home projects during the week. I find that I study (the bulk of the time- and I like studying), blog, answer emails read and research instead of being superwoman.

You can't eat off my floors (or well you could sometimes, but that is an entirely different meaning) or miss the fingerprints on certain windows or the clutter that seems to grow when I am not looking. And my weekends are often spent in non stop work. I don't like it like that, but I have so far found ways not to make it any easier. We can be our own worst enemies.

Lyrics "Life's Been Good", by Joe Walsh watch out this is on a purple background that does strange things to my eyes.
Elyrics4U- same song, easier on the eyes background.

Another late night.

I was going to blog about some of the particulars of an assignment that I worked on today, but instead I am going to have to think a little more about how much of them to post. It wasn't that I didn't have answers that made things difficult, or that I didn't want to explore the topics (most of them I have explored previously, but answers change over time), but rather that I had confidentiality concerns about many of them. I don't remember any assurances in this class- unlike any others I have taken in counseling or psychology- that my answers would be held in confidence exactly as if I were in a therapy session.

I am normally very open about most anything in my life- if you ask, I will probably share- but there are things and ways and then there is how one explores within oneself. I don't hide the truth, but I might not share the details in full.

There is a certain amount of angst in the primary relationship in my life. I wrote some bad poetry that is posted online on another page of mine, that expressed the state/stage of things, though not necessarily the emotions. Some of the answers for this assignment were difficult. But in the end, I also found some very positive things to say- but better yet, that I hadn't realized I felt. And that might just be a very good thing.

It is useful to explore the preconceptions and possibly even false notions about relationships, authentic love, intimacy, and identity. In long term relationships perhaps it is even more important from time to time to do it again, to make sure that one still understands these things and where things have changed.

A sampling of some of the questions from two chapters on love and relationships:

What did you learn about love in your family of origin?
How do you express your love to others?
How do you let another person know your own need to receive love, affection and caring?

It is worth it to love because-
List some of the meanings of love to you-
Think of someone you love. What specifically do you love about that person?

What are some of the ways in which you see yourself as evolving in your relationships?
Are you resisting growth and change by sticking with some old and comfortable patterns, even if they don't work? What are they?
How is the person with whom you are most intimate changing or resisting change?

Are you satisfied with the relationship you have just described? If not what would you like to change?

How did your family of origin deal with conflict? What did that teach you?
How do you deal with anger directed toward you?
How do you express your anger in your current relationships?

To what degree are you able to forgive yourself for any of your past regrets?

Complete the following:
To me, intimacy means-
The most important thing in making an intimate relationship successful is-
The thing I fear most about an intimate relationship is-
When an intimate relationship becomes stale, I usually-
One of the reasons I need another person is-
One conflict that I have concerning intimate relationships is-
In an intimate relationship it is unrealistic to expect that-
To me commitment means-

These are only a sampling of the ones I answered, but if you haven't considered them before, they are worth thinking about.
edited to add that the text and questions are from "I never knew I had a Choice", 7th ed., Gerald Corey, Marianne Schneider Corey, Wadsworth Group, 2002.

Internal dialogue.

Once again, I am up after midnight. Note to self- late nights do not work well with the schedule this quarter! I am catching up on reading newsletters, research updates and blogs and stumbled on this.

"Every time I hear or read these lyrics, I am reminded of how I pass through life. Often I realize that my worries are exactly must that...MY worries, and everything related to them (well, almost everything) is going on in my head, in my conversations with me, and that I can, in fact, choose what to say to myself...just as my self can choose what to say to me: ..." From Wirearchy: Musn't Grumble, Mustn't Grumble, Mutter Grumble .

I am mostly a glass half full sort of person, but everyone has days that test optimism and the ability to see through, under, over or around obstacles. Over the years, I found that with meditation a part of the regular routine, I am significantly more positive on those kinds of days. Of course, adequate sleep and a reasonably regular schedule for sleep and meals play a big role too.

Song that keeps running in my head.

I really like this song by Sarah McLachlan, so I had to find the lyrics online: Sarah McLachlan :: lyrics:

"Fallen"

"Heaven Bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I tried my best
But somewhere long the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
But the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so" ...