Friday, April 30, 2004
My internship is fairly rocky and though I started the quarter ahead in hours, I think I am behind now and will have to scramble a little to get my 120 hours finished. That doesn't feel so good. But I might ask if I can work in the computer lab or the classroom I was in and make some of those up in that manner. That would be very good as I miss the students I had been working with and the atmosphere of the classrooms.
I did ok on the one midterm I took (Medical factors in Rehabilitation) with medical conditions, anatomy, and terms, but the second midterm will be a take home one in Vocational career counseling, sent by email and is only three or four questions. Essays are required of course, which is not as much fun. I can write when I want, and when it suits me (of course for anyone reading the blog that is a matter of debate- but there are some fairly good older entries!), but writing for someone who isn't particularly clear about what they are looking for - and intends to grade the things on how well one covered the topic in his opinion- is a bit of a drag. I also did ok on my presentation (agency evaluation report) this week, which was a sort of midterm. I am assuming the paper it was based on was also more than sufficient for an A.
And that brings me one of the last two things I am juggling for academics, which is finding classes for summer- not an easy task. I need 4 upper division electives within my field, social work, health sciences, sociology, psychology or special education- and of course three of the classes I intended to take are no longer being offered due to budget cuts. The one class that is (computer applications for SW), meets for about 6 hours on one day because it is lecture and lab. I am rethinking that one.
What I would like is to take an introduction to American Sign Language, but it isn't an upper division class and I doubt my advisor will authorize it. Other classes I am interested in are in the areas of Communication disorders or in Special education- cognitive and social aspects, but both require pursuit of a degree in that field for the departments to authorize! I really don't want to fill up on sociology classes. There are only two 400 level counseling classes offered and I have taken both of those. The social psych class I wanted is not offered and most of the psych classes that are offered are 500 level and my advisor already told me he wouldn't authorize any of those. .... sigh.. So I am going through the entire list of classes offered in every department. I have this weekend to decide as program changes have to be put in the computer on Monday.
And that brings me to graduation requirements- last on the list. I don't have all the paperwork filled out, but that should be done today. If I can figure out what summer classes to take, and pay the fees for processing the grad request on Monday, meet with my advisor to put through the program changes and complete the checklist, then I actually might graduate by the end of summer. I don't know what that does to my masters program if there is some glitch in the paperwork for the undergrad degree.
So I am still juggling, but making progress in bringing everything back up to a reasonable number and height of balls in the air.
Note to self because my left ankle is very painful:
Shaving legs in the shower should be on that list of things I am too old to do any longer since I can't remember if I changed the cartridge in the razor (dull or sharp makes a huge difference); I can't see any hair at all on my legs without my glasses (which of course I don't wear in the shower) and ankles are tender and hurt when you slice/scrape off enough skin to require 2 one inch size bandaids for each slice. Possibly a new electric razor or else see if there are replacement heads for the old one I own, is in order.. or maybe I should consider waxing. I would much rather spend money on something else more useful like several books or a new electronic or digital toy. Why is it we have hair on our legs anyway? And who decided that women needed to shave it? Hmmm... and I wonder if that (shaving legs) is a cultural/country thing?
Monday, April 26, 2004
Sunday, April 25, 2004
Here is a teaser: "These days, I'm asking all sorts of questions again, but wondering where to start. Perhaps the way to begin is to simply pay more attention - to ..."
I say ... and you think ... ?
- Elastic:: flexible, stretches to fit; adaptable; stretch but not break.
- Intervention:: stop; pause, block immediate continuation on a path
- Risk:: all life involves risk or else you stagnate or even grow bitter; risk is not something to be avoided- it is something to move towards with awareness. Great joy, great love, great happiness is not likely to be attained without some perceived risk.
- Junk food:: fun to indulge in on occasion, but not enough to sustain
- Arrogance:: think it is something people say when the logic of your argument is stronger than theirs or people throw out as a label when one seems "too" self assured.
- Responsibility:: is individual, should be first to self but no one- person or society- can tell you what else it is or ought to be for you.
- X:: XX and XY -chromosomes- love those differences; X-men, Mutant-X, X-factor; X marks the spot; X-Y=0; X-future; unknowns.
- Marshall:: Islands
- Kill:: only in defense of immediate threat involving loss of life.
- Brother:: biological or something larger
Want to play? Go to Unconscious Mutterings.
Saturday, April 24, 2004
I found a new meme, though I don't like negative prompts. I will give it a chance.
For Wednesday 21st April 2004
#28. LULU'S LINES
TRIGGER::::: I did not enjoy......
I did not enjoy waking up late and then driving while half asleep to the pharmacy, worrying about having a late start to my day. But someone made the whole experience much better- you know who you are. What would I do without SMS?
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
This is happening now about once every twelve to fifteen seconds or so. The noise is driving me crazy. I am almost expecting it, but the startle factor is very high (yes, I am a little high strung right now, but I am always fairly sensitive to noise- especially within certain frequencies)!
I have tried opening and shutting the cartridge door, which causes them to move to center position and then back when I close it, but still move a slight amount again and again every fifteen seconds. I have tried shutting it off and then turning it on again in varying lengths of time including overnight so I could sleep. I have tried gently nudging the cartridges and the carrier thing, thinking that maybe it/they were out of line or sync or something -real technical jargon here; expect thing-a-ma-bob and gizmo terminology any second ;-).
Nothing seems to work. And it is printing just fine. I just printed a 21 page handout that I needed for class tonight. (The color cartridge is empty, but still in its proper place). The troubleshooting program says there is nothing wrong except being out of color ink, and that has never made it do this in the past.
Any suggestions? Anyone?
Until I figure it out, I guess I will just turn it off. It is amazing how something making a noise it isn't supposed to make, can interfere with thinking.
Obligations for papers for classes and midterms soon (how is it midterm already!!!), obligations for my internship (how could I be behind on hours already), obligations for graduation requirements, obligations for the masters program application, and a ton of personal items that need taking care of (including refilling blood pressure meds which is critical under the circumstances and where the heck are my new glasses?)- suddenly were being juggled at about the level of my knees.
I overlooked a series of various deadlines and all of them came due at once. I have the most urgent one semi under control and now am working on the rest. It could be that the entries here will be sporadic for the next little while. Then again, since this is one way I relieve stress at times, it could be that writing here could increase.
Monday, April 19, 2004
Take a stress scale indicator here. Note that they are asking you to think back on the last 12 months.
And then read about stress and how even good things can add to the stress in your life.
This question came about because I took a similar test in one of my seminars last quarter and my stress score was double or triple my fellow program members. I was aware before the test that my score would be high and have several regular things I do to cope. Taking time for yourself and things like exercise and meditation become increasingly important the higher stress levels in your life.
Sunday, April 18, 2004
I say ... and you think ... ?
- Virginia:: Jamestown founded 1607; Cornwallis surrender 1781; one of original Thirteen States 1788.
- Soft:: gentle, tender, affectionate, loving. Would the expression in your eyes soften when first seeing me? Would your voice?
- Carol:: King, Carole, songwriter, singer
- Vanity:: dressing table with mirror; Who is this person staring back; how did she get here and why does she sometimes look the way she remembers her grandmother? Vanity Fair magazine.
- Feminist:: Why isn't everyone in favor of political and economic equality for all?
- Alias:: an also known as; a television show I sometimes like but forget to watch.
- Coward:: Noel, biographical sketch , roles and writings, a quote: "On lunching with Queen Elizabeth II: "It was all very merry and agreeable, but there is always, for me, a tiny pall of "best behaviour" overlaying the proceedings. I am not complaining about this, I think it is right and proper, but I am constantly aware of it. It isn't that I have a basic urge to tell disgusting jokes and say "f**k" every five minutes, but I'm conscious of a faint resentment that I couldn't if I wanted to." more quotes.
- Beer:: in the distant past, I occasionally drank one.. not sufficiently enough of a fan to have any strong preference for a particular kind.
- Chance:: random event or? Jung, The mystery of Chance. Still haven't calculated those random probabilities; still haven't figured out all the variables. Chance, Synchronicity & Mind-Writing
- Honest:: a value that I practice, and a quality that I value in others.
Want to play? No rules; no sign up unless you choose.
Go to Unconscious Mutterings
Saturday, April 17, 2004
"Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness.- Chuang-Tzu (350 B.C.)" and ending with the following paragraphs, the essay linked below by John Perry Barlow is food for thought.
"Finally, and always, there is love. By this, I don't mean that economic bargain that often passes for love these days. I don't mean that I will love you if you get good grades, or that I will love you if you'll sleep with me, or that I will love you ifŠanything. I mean what I mean when I say, "I love you." Period. Without expectation, condition, term limit, codicil, or obligation. To say that - and to mean it in that way - makes me happy.
What makes me happiest of all is when someone says "I love you" to me - meaning it as unconditionally as I intend to mean it - and I simply accept it. Learning to accept unconditional love has been the most demanding part of my education. It requires me to love myself as much as I am loved, which is not easy, since I like to pretend that my loathsome short-comings are invisible to all but me.
Still, when I love without goal and accept love without doubt, I am happy. In this, I am not pursuing happiness. I am becoming it."
The Pursuit of Happiness
Friday, April 16, 2004
I stumbled across the Andromeda Ascendant site from a string of blog reading and side links that I can't recall now (the television series is Andromeda- one of Roddenberry's creations that didn't make the small screen until after his death).
The show always opens with a quotation that is usually interesting. It is often the highlight of the show. There are several I am going to post now.. because I can.. because I don't feel like writing anything else tonight. You can find more at:
All Systems University.
In fact the website for Andromeda Ascendant is well done overall (for light amusement) as is the show's official site. There are even some stencils to print at the official series site to make some of Harper's shirt designs.
Some of the quotes:
"If hope is the engine of the soul, then duty is the navigator… and love is the fuel."
--Sani Nax Rifati, High Guard Supreme Commander
Persuasions and Exhortations
"Life? Hell, it's pretty much like a knife fight in a dirt-floor bar: If they get you down, you best get back up."
--Gunnery Sergeant Hywell Cy'Rabia,
"We say atoms are bound by weak attractors. Why not admit the truth: The universe is held together by love."
--Michio von Kerr, Wayist Physicist
"Here's everything I know about war: Somebody wins, somebody loses, and nothing is ever the same again."
--Admiral Constanza Stark, High Guard Chief of Staff
Thursday, April 15, 2004
I stayed up last night or rather very, very early this morning, finishing the personal statement/history essay for the application for the program for the Master of Science degree in Counseling with a rehabilitation option, higher ed specialization and a career counseling certificate. Thursday was supposed to be the close date for the applications. (and I may decide later to change that specialization to vocational rehab, we'll see.)
Five hours later I got up and gathered as much of the necessary documents as were available to put together the packet and turn in the application. It's in and the process is started.
I still need five letters of recommendation- three for the program and two for the University. There are lots of little details remaining like finishing the University application and sending them a fee; making sure my partial transcripts (and those letters) get put with the application on file when I get them; and making sure that the certificate program and the higher ed one both have their little separate forms with the whole.
It will take another couple of weeks to have everything all completed and if this is anything like applying for the undergrad transfer, there will be numerous hoops (including a lot that don't make sense) to jump through to get all the paperwork straight.
But the counseling degree office said that there are several slots still open and they are still looking for candidates for that particular program, so submitting a partial app and subsequently adding the rest of the paperwork will not affect my being considered or approved. I hope she is right. My GPA is excellent; rapport with instructors has been excellent; the internship is coming along and so it looks very hopeful-- even if it wasn't my best work essay wise.
Oh, and I will only need 61 credit units to complete the Masters program, since I have already completed a third or so of them as an undergrad. So depending on how hard I want to push myself, I could be finished in a year and three months or in a year and 9 months. Tonight running a hard quick race doesn't sound very attractive.
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
Most of the time I use the word "frilling" for the more than minor but less than major stuff-- which is a term stolen from Farscape, but there are times when there is only one word that will do. This is one of them.
Everything is crashing around me. I am in danger of losing the pieces of the life I was creating for myself. I have to pick up the pieces now. It was an illusion to think that there was anything else that I could, should or would be doing.
I had a path, a trail I carved out for myself. I don't need someone else's road all neatly laid out to tell me where I am, or where I am going, or limiting the places that I can go. This is my life. I play by my rules. I hold all the maps to my happiness. I don't hurt others intentionally, but if it is a choice between their happiness and mine and I must lose all of me, then I am choosing my happiness first.
How foolish to choose to live unhappy, giving up all of self and living to less than one's potential. Giving isn't about sacrificing self. Giving is about giving one's fullness, one's uniqueness, one's whole self- not submerging any or all the parts to please others.
I am not going to play by someone else's rules and I am not afraid of taking charge of my own life. I sometimes am afraid of the unknown, but I am not going to let it stop me from moving and making choices. Being half or less of what I am isn't an option. Living small with regrets, or thinking that I must protect everyone else from any hurt I might cause -on account of just being me- is a useless life.
Acceptance of others doesn't depend on what I get from them. I give that just because everyone ought to be entitled to be who they are. I have feelings in abundance, and I am not afraid to feel any of them. I have love to give and I am not afraid of giving it. I am not afraid of being loved, though there are times when I am afraid that no one will want the love I have to give. That might be a waste, but it isn't my choice and it isn't a reason to stop loving. Pain- yeah, I have that in abundance too-- so what? I thought maybe rebuilding the walls with a gate was the answer, but I have changed my mind.
This is one of those days. As The Obvious Feb 19 post said ...
Channel 4Ads also found via The Obvious in March. But the Channel 4 thing doesn't appear to be loading. Perhaps it is gone. Too bad, it was funny and I could use a good laugh right now.
Monday, April 12, 2004
I sure do agree with that.
Found via: Conversations with Dina: Thought for the Day
Because the quote interested me, I Googled Tournier, and found more. He seems to be a psychiatrist with connections to the combined disciplines of theology and psychology.
A sampling of other quotes:
"Sooner or later, those who win are those who think they can."
"Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets."
Sunday, April 11, 2004
I say ... and you think ... ?
- Boxing:: packing, unpacking, sorting, sifting, tossing out, eliminating clutter!
- Lewis:: and Clark- famous explorers; and there is Jerry; and also the last name of one of my former psych professors who taught a good class on motivation and emotions.
- Bodyguard:: Kevin Costner movie with Whitney Houston; that movie's song: "I will always love you" -an ending perfect for the movie, but I want a happier one in my life.
- Burnout:: dancing on edge of in last year, with too many classes and too much work, things piling up at home (see boxing), no one to unwind with and not enough time to think fully about any of it, until now.
- Cruising:: day trips, top down up the coast highway; hmmm also cruises, as in boat trips would like to take
- Easter:: Spring, new beginnings
- AA:: the one step, one moment, one day at a time, trust in a higher power, twelve step folks; 2 year college degree; battery size of half of my portable electronic toys (are battery sizes the same all around the world?)
- Research:: Academic, sometimes interesting to read depending on the discipline; any that I do- fun.
- Redemption:: release, salvation, being set free.
- Snickers:: the candy bar- not one of my favorites.
Want to play? Go to Unconscious Mutterings.
Friday, April 09, 2004
So check out I speak of Dreams in particular this post:
I Speak of Dreams: GinMar, I salute you.
And to play the Two Degrees game, also found via I Speak of Dreams:
I link to LizDitz at I speak of Dreams because she lives nearby I think (though for the life of me, I can't now find what made me think that, so maybe she doesn't!), and I found her blog interesting; parts of it deal with education and learning disabilities which fits into my education and Rehab Services/counseling side. (oh, its very hard to do this short isn't it? I only found her blog recently, but thought it was worth going right into the frequent read list instead of putting it in one of the other categories at bloglines).
She links to GinMar A View from a Broad, the soldier mentioned in the first post linked above.
So this is my newest thing on the list of things to do/see in my lifetime- to see a moonbow.. wonder what special lenses I might need to do that?
Checking out the rest of her blog, I ran across a link to Worthwhile Magazine with a couple of heavyweights I recognized and having this Mission Statement: "The editorial mission of WORTHWHILE is to put purpose and passion on the same plane as profit. WORTHWHILE offers a roadmap for business success that is more personally fulfilling and socially responsible. We live by the motto that it is impossible to have a meaningful life without meaningful work.
We hope that this site can be a place where youլl come to discuss, to learn, to share your experiences, to find solutions in your worklife."
It sounds promising.
This post was better written the first time, but I was using the blogger toolbar post window to write it. With more than one blog, there is a default by alphabetical and I hadn't yet used the pull down menu to choose this one. Finishing the post, I selected Tangents- only to lose everything except the mag link, which was momentarily frustrating!! I don't know how many times I have done that, and every time I wonder why I don't seem to remember this little quirk of posting from the blogger toolbar. Is my brain just too old and tired to remember these less essential sorts of small things?
Thursday, April 08, 2004
Today I know that there will be other plunges to the ground, but I found a faith I didn't know was there before. The framework, however light and open ended the structure, is very solid on both sides. I can live fully, give fully, even touching the fears and pain- knowing that.
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
Edge: AFFECTIVE FORECASTING...OR...THE BIG WOMBASSA
"One of the reasons why we think bad things will make us feel bad for a long time is because we don't realize that we have this defensive system—something like a psychological immune system, if you will. If I were to ask you to predict how healthy you would be if you encountered a cold germ and you didn't know that you had a physical immune system, you'd expect to get very sick and perhaps even die.
Similarly, when people predict how they're going to feel in the face of adversity, not knowing they have a psychological immune system leads them to expect more intense and enduring dissatisfaction than they will actually experience.
"When we're trying to predict how happy we will be in a future that contains Event X, we tend to focus on Event X and forget about all the other events that also populate that future—events that tend to dilute the hedonic impact of Event X. In a sense, we are slaves to the focus of our own attention."
Monday, April 05, 2004
Sunday, April 04, 2004
Joi Ito's Web: Full-Time Intimate Community
Interesting tangents to think about.
I say ... and you think ... ?
- Condemn:: sentenced to submit; refuse.
- Promiscous:: Not a word. Randomly chosen dictionary word: Multiple:: many parts
- Pro-life:: life starts when it starts and what I believe and forcing another to believe and act within my same beliefs are different things.
- Mona Lisa:: slight smile; innocent and inviting
- Crown:: hat part, top of head
- Mumble:: Pardon? Excuse me, could you repeat that?
- Hack:: forcibly cut up or into
- Diet:: healthy. Liking similar foods is a nice similarity.
- Introduction:: beginning something new; new anything; new everything
- Latin America:: South and Central America; Latin music; Latin dancing; Tango, Salsa- want to learn!
Want to play? Go to Unconscious Mutterings
Saturday, April 03, 2004
Your temperament type is undetermined.
PTypes - Temperment Types
By the way, this test is based on Keirsey Temperment Sorter which when I took it last (70 questions), also had a score of undetermined though it was closest to either ESFP (Artisan) or ENSP (Rational).
My last Myers Briggs results (several years ago) came out as ENTP, though intuition is the only really strong preference- the others are closer to borderline. (I would suspect this result was closer to an INTP or even an INFP about 30 years ago). (Note: there is a link at HTSTW for a myers-briggs like test, which I took- the long version and the results came up as ENFP).
The PType weblog link was found via Dave Pollard of How to Save the World and he has some thoughts and a few questions about the whole thing. He asks: "Are personality changes fundamental and enduring, or situational and transient?" My answer (not that I am an authority, just a lifetime of studying psych) is that
personality is a construct, subject to changes both from external and internal journeys as well as choice.
Since I am not an "I" on either Keirsey rankings or Myers Briggs (though the score on Myers Briggs is fairly close to their center line), then I fall outside his characterization of the majority of bloggers.
don't hesitate for a moment
take everything that is strong in you
and put it to work
set it free
never mind what anyone thinks"
Paul Williams, Das Energi, 1973.
Strange what a web search will turn up. I purchased this little volume in the early 1970's and ran across it the other day cleaning out some things.
The link will take you to another passage from the book. I heard the book dissed
at the time as derivative and too simple minded which it probably is on both
counts, but still has some good food for thought.
Friday, April 02, 2004
"Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed." --Storm Jameson
"The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for." ~Joseph Addison
Thursday, April 01, 2004
Hopefully there will be a comfortable fit and this is where I will be for most of the next ten weeks. I may do at least one day at the Foundation's main campus in the school or maybe with their behavioral section. I still have to talk to various directors and see if I can 'wow' them enough that they want to hire me by September. We will see.
It is a terribly early start to the day for me (and for any night person!) but I am actually awake and excited at the new adventure.